A Good Catholic Boy

During the course of our lives most of us are going to have any number of labels placed upon us by others. Some we will wear with pride: hard worker, strong willed, high energy. Others will cause us to reevaluate ourselves: lacks effort, undisciplined, tardy.

Recently, someone hung on me the moniker of being a "good Catholic boy" based on limited knowledge gathered by my writings and commentary at this blog. I believe that it was meant to be somewhat complimentary, but it also has caused me to evaluate whether or not it is actually true.

The only way to figure out if I am indeed a 'good Catholic boy', in fact if anyone can be described in such a manner, is to determine what exactly that phrase means. To do that, I think we need to break it down, word by word. What does it mean to be good, to be Catholic, to be a boy? And then we need to figure out if, taken together, those words would constitute a compliment. Would they be something of which to be proud?

Let's start off with being 'good', a virtue the meaning of which most of us could probably agree. Webster's primary definition of 'good' states "of a favorable character or tendency", and secondarily as "virtuous, right, commendable". Sounds 'good' to me. But do I personally fit the bill?

Examining the totality of any American citizen's life is going to reveal specific incidents of what most of us would consider 'good' actions and 'bad' actions. It is not only possible, but it happens in fact that people who are good the majority of the time, good in their nature, do sometimes commit bad acts. Conversely, people who many would consider as bad or even 'evil' can sometimes do a good act.

I would like to consider myself as falling into the former category, where I feel that most of us fall. An honest evaluation of the person that I know myself to be inside, and the reactions that people generally have towards me, lead me to believe that I am indeed a generally 'good' person. That I know also for a fact that I have committed some 'bad' actions in my life does not detract from that basic goodness, it simply keeps me striving to improve as a human being.

While being 'good' or 'bad' as a part of your basic character as a person is really not that hard to determine in most instances, even easier to determine is the idea of being a boy. It starts with the premise that you are sexually a male, so that part is easy. The real difficult point is to draw a line between boyhood and becoming a 'man', an adult male.

Putting an exact age on this shift is troublesome. Just because someone reaches the age of 18 for instance, where in America you can do such things as vote, is not enough. Even reaching the age of 21, where again in America you can legally consume alcohol and by which point many people have or are about to graduate from college is not enough.

Moving from 'boy' to 'man' is not about some numerical, chronological age. It is about combining a certain minimum age with reaching a maturity level at which you begin to think outside of yourself on an egotistical level. Some can reach this point at age 16, others at 18, others at 21. Some males take decades to reach the point where they can legitimately call themselves a 'man' in real terms.

Being a man means taking care of your responsibilities to home, family, and career. It means placing the needs of your family ahead of your own personal needs and desires. It means setting a good example, working hard, and taking important issues such as faith, politics, and morality seriously. During my own life, moving from boyhood to manhood came in fits and starts.

I had some tremendous responsibilities put on my shoulders at a time when many would still have considered me a boy in chronological age. Parenthood, marriage, and taking care of a sick parent all came to me at very young ages. Over the years I handled most of those responsibilities, but in retrospect I know that I didn't always handle them the way I now believe that a true man would. I absolutely can be accused of being selfish, ignorant, and unreliable at times, especially when I was younger.

But I certainly feel that the totality of my life experiences has left me as a 'man' today. I know that I have grown as a father and grandfather, as a husband in my second marriage, as a homeowner, as a professional in the law enforcement field. So at this stage of my life I feel pretty comfortable in accepting someone calling me a 'good man', even if I still may act a bit childish from time to time.

The final term to look at here is that 'Catholic' label. That one might indeed be the hardest, even though for some it might seem the easiest to determine. Let's face it, anyone can call themselves whatever they want and justify it in some way. People who consider themselves 'Catholic' as a matter of faith do that frequently. You grew up Catholic, or you go to a Catholic church at times, or you send your kids to a Catholic school.

Does any of that make you 'Catholic' truly? If not, what does make one a Catholic in deed, not just as a label. The roots of the word go back to Greek origin, and basically are going to lead you to 'universal' as a definition. In the early Church, if you were a Christian you were catholic. Of course as we all know there were many doctrinal splits in the Church over the millenia.

Today being a Catholic with capital 'C' signifies to most that you belong religiously to the Roman Catholic Church. You can call yourself a member if you are baptized into the Church, and then more fully as you progress through receiving the Sacraments, particularly Confirmation. Stronger commitments are reached with regularly attending Mass and receiving the Eucharist at Holy Communion, and in cleansing yourself of sin in Penance and Reconciliation.

But these are acts of physical or emotional commitment on ones part. What is truly needed to really be able to call oneself 'Catholic' is an understanding and living out of the basic creed of the Church to be 'one, holy, and apostolic' in nature. You follow the 'one Church' established by Christ whole-heartedly, you always attempt to live your life in a holy manner even if you fall short most times, and you try to spread Christ's word in apostolic fashion by your own words and deeds.

In this sense, I feel comfortable calling myself a Catholic. I do believe in the Church and it's creed, in the teachings of Jesus Christ, and I do feel inspired by the Holy Spirit as a direct presence in my life. I read the Bible. I go to Mass and receive Communion. I go to Confession and perform Penance (though not as often as I probably should), and I have been both baptized and confirmed in the Church.

As I have gotten older I have begun to express my Christianity and Catholic beliefs much more frequently, particularly here at my blog. I have volunteered as a lector in my own church. I have supported my wife as she herself converted to Catholicism some years ago now. I have subtly tried to pass along my faith to my children, something that I failed to do strongly enough when they were young. I pray every single day that they come to a full faith in Christ during their lifetime. I believe that I still have much more to do, but that 'Catholic' is certainly a term you can use to describe me at this point.

So in the end, the term that was hung on me of being a "good Catholic boy" is a bit misleading. I am only 'good' most of the time. I still have much room to grow in my 'Catholic' faith. I have mostly shed the habits of a 'boy' and take my responsibilities as a man far more seriously. But I know inside that I am a 'good' person, I am happy to practice and express my 'Catholic' faith, and am confident enough in my manhood to still allow the 'boy' in me to come out at times.

"A good Catholic boy." I have some work to do still, but I think that I can happily live with that. I hope to be able to live up to that label going forward in experiencing this gift of life that God has given to me. I would invite anyone reading this to also try living up to the challenge one day, one action, one moment at a time.

Pulling Back the Curtain

I've been thinking about it for a couple of years now, but just never had the nerve. Either I was going to be too embarrassed, or I was fearful of exposing my face to someone that I might have to see on a regular basis. So it was with a little bit of nervousness that this past Saturday I entered the confessional at church and finally pulled back the curtain for a face-to-face confession. Penance is one of the seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church, instituted by Jesus Christ Himself "in which forgiveness of sins committed after Baptism is granted through the priest's absolution to those who with true sorrow confess their sins and promise to satisfy for the same." We are all sinners, we all commit sins, some of us more frequently and heinously than others. We need to seek forgiveness in order to restore our full relationship with God, and He has provided us the means through the intervention of His Son. When you enter into the Sacrament of Penance, what is known commonly in the Church as 'confession', the misconception is that you are telling your sins to a man, the priest, and that he forgives you. That is simply not the case. The power to forgive sins rests with God alone. However, he utlizes his blessed priests to act as ministers or confessors in humanizing the process. It is wholly necessary that we come to confession prepared to honestly evaluate our thoughts and actions, and to confess those that have broken our relationship with the Lord. If you haven't been to a confession in a while, one helpful tool would be to list the Ten Commandments, then evaluate how you have behaved against each of them. If you've been away from the Church or missed Mass, there is something to confess. You don't need to be exact. Simply saying that "it's been years since my last confession" or "I haven't been to church regularly for years" will suffice. If you've been away, you've obviously put some things ahead of the Lord, so you have that to confess. I had to do it myself a while back, so I can tell you exactly how to approach that first return to the confessional. First, prepare yourself by getting to church a little early, maybe just ten minutes, and take time to sit in a pew and meditate on the things that you may wish to confess. You can't hold back the worst sins. If you have had or been a part of an abortion, you are going to have to confess it. Obviously the same goes for any crime that you may have committed. Instances of extra-marital sexual relations, blatant disrespect of your parents (no matter age or their role), and extreme covetousness of others goods. If you have turned your life over to another faith system and turned away from God for a time, you may want to confess that. The point is that your confession will be of no use to you if you willingly hold back confessing the most obvious and heinous of your sins. Next, think about the little things. Do you take time away from your family in order to satisfy some bad habit, something like drinking? That is something that should be bothering you, and something you may confess. I would contemplate these things for ten minutes, and then get into the confession booth. Unless you are completely prepared, don't make this first time back a 'face-to-face' effort. But do make it a sincere effort. You begin by kneeling and saying "Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been years since my last confession, and these are my sins." Then let the priest know the things most on your mind. Make sure that you include being away from the Church and the Sacraments, especially from Mass and Communion. The priest will guide you and my bet is that he will be extremely supportive. Even if you get one who seems a bit harsh, take it, because you certainly have it coming to you. Again, that is not likely. God wants you back as an active part of his Church. He wants you to come to Him in this way. Tell it all, lay it on the line, don't be afraid. Getting into the booth is more than half the battle. As you begin, if you remain completely honest, it will become easier by the moment. Before you know it, you will be done, and the priest will give you a Penance to perform. This will likely take the form of saying a certain number of prayers. He will then ask you to make an honest 'Act of Contrition' before leaving the confessional. In case you forgot: "Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of hell. But most of all, because I have offended Thee my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy Grace, to confess my sins, to do Penance, and to ammend my life. Amen" As you say this, he will pray over you, and absolution, the forgiveness of your sins, will occur. When he is finished, I would thank him before leaving. When you leave the confessional, get into a pew and do your prayerful Penance, thinking as you pray about how lucky you are to have had Christ die so that this forgiveness would be possible. If you have been away for awhile, you should feel a 'weight of the world' lifted as you leave the church. Make sure that you don't stay away this time. And then sometime down the road, as you gain more confidence in your faith, and as your sins perhaps become less and less embarrassing, you will have the courage to pull back the curtain and meet with the priest in face to face confession.

Forgive Yourself

Apparently there are many Christians out there who, even after participating in the Catholic sacramental process of confession and reconciliation, find that they continue to worry about past sins for years after they have confessed them. The fact for many people is that the Lord forgives more easily than we can forgive ourselves. In the New Testament, John 3:17 says it most completely: "God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him." Let's start by dealing with the forgiveness of sins as the Church deals with it. God gave us two ways to be forgiven of our sin. First is the sacrament of Baptism, which I spoke more fully about last weekend at this blog. Baptism was given by God to take away the 'Original Sin' committed by Adam in the Garden of Eden, as well as to cleanse our souls of any sins committed by us prior to our baptism. At Pentecost, Peter, who Christ had left as the first steward of his Church, said: "Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins..." Of course, man is an imperfect creature, and he will sin even after being cleansed and forgiven at baptism. To help man with sins committed after baptism, another process was needed, which has been called by the names confession, penance, and reconciliation after the three main parts of this process. God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins and to forgive them as well. After His resurrection, He said to the apostles: "As the Father has sent me, even so I send you...If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." Knowing that He would not always be among men physically, Christ passed the power to forgive sins on to His followers, and instructed them to pass this along to their successors. Thus we have the formal forgiveness of sins today in the confessional. Some people are afraid to go into the confessional and face a priest to ask for forgiveness. Maybe they have been away from the Church for a time, perhaps a long time, and are embarrassed both by their sins and by their estrangement. Others are simply resentful, feeling that they should just be able to deal with God directly, and not have to use a 'middle man' like a priest. Some have especially taken this attitude with the emergence in recent years of sexual abuse scandals within the priesthood itself. "Why should I ask those pedophiles to forgive me of my sins?" is an attitude that has been expressed. The fact is, these are only excuses, not reasons, for missing out on the sin-forgiveness process. Fear needs to simply be overcome, and there is only one way: just do it. Find out when your local church holds confessions, go there during that time, sit in a pew for a few minutes praying for strength and reminding yourself of some of your more egregious sins, and then get into that confessional and lay it all out with the priest, even telling him of your fears. Pride needs to be overcome, the feeling that maybe you know better how to have your sins forgiven, and give the process a chance. Once you give up the pride, overcome the fear, and get into the confessional and begin talking to the priest, I guarantee you that the feeling you have on leaving that confessional will be uplifting and freeing. I hope and pray that more of you actually take the opportunity to get back into the formal penance process, and back into Church itself, sharing in Christ's body in the Eucharist. That said, even should you do so, you have only won half the battle. God has fully forgiven you, but you still will need to let go and forgive yourself. First, know this: Jesus loves sinners. Again in the New Testament, Mark 2:15-17 quotes Jesus Himself as saying: "People who are healthy do not need a doctor; sick people do. I have come to call sinners, not the self-righteous." In most surveys on the subject, the reason that people have left and stayed away from the Church go back to pain: the pain from sin, abuse, divorce, addiction, abandonment, betrayal, failure, poverty, loneliness, etc. One of the biggest sources of pain has always been described by respondents as guilt over past sins. This guilt has spoiled relationships, caused sleeplessness and depression, and caused many to say things to themselves such as: "God doesn't want to have anything to do with me." Fact is, nothing could be further from the truth. Sin causes these worries for a reason. Sin is evil, committed intentionally. We have taken some action, said some words, thought some idea that we absolutely know full well is wrong. It is a violation of one of God's commandments, particularly Jesus' command for us to love one another as He has loved us. William McKee has written of three ways to stop worrying about past sins. First, don't be a 'connector'. Stop thinking that bad things happen to you now because of your past sins. God doesn't work that way. Second, don't make 'comparisons'. Just because you perceive someone else to be holier or more perfect than you doesn't make it so. You have no idea what goes on in someone else mind, or behind their closed doors. You can only worry about yourself and your thoughts, words, and deeds. Finally, and perhaps most difficult, develop a 'positive self image'. It is not vanity to think well of yourself. It has often been said that you need to love yourself before you can love others, and this is very true. The roots of your past go deep, but the fact of the matter is that you are likely a much better person at heart than you give yourself credit for. One thing that is important to remember here is that self-love does not really come from ourselves 'looking in the mirror'. It comes from the reflection that we see of ourselves in others. How does our family view us? Our friends? Our peers? No matter what you currently think of yourself, start acting differently. Start treating others really well on purpose. Start talking to people in a positive tone, not using profanity, comforting and encouraging them. Do this regularly, and you will be amazed at the response that you receive from them over time, and at the improvement you will feel in your own self image. You are a child of God, and He sent his Son so that your sins might be forgiven. Don't be afraid, and don't be vain. Give the Church another chance. Go to confession, be forgiven, and then most importantly, forgive yourself. Removing the weight of your sins from your life, your thoughts, your relationships will free you to experience God's love more fully, and will indeed free you to both love yourself and others more completely. God bless you.