On my way out the door to go get dunked!
Hand sewn amulet parchment bag designed after the one Joseph Smith use to own. I took it with me and squeezed drops of baptismal water into it after my plunge :)
Showing posts with label countdown to baptisim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label countdown to baptisim. Show all posts
Friday, July 25, 2008
Baptism Pics
So Ronan recently gave our camera a bath (ugh) and when I finally got it fixed some random pics that had vanished early mysteriously returned. So here's some I took before my baptism!
On my way out the door to go get dunked!
Hand sewn amulet parchment bag designed after the one Joseph Smith use to own. I took it with me and squeezed drops of baptismal water into it after my plunge :)
On my way out the door to go get dunked!
Hand sewn amulet parchment bag designed after the one Joseph Smith use to own. I took it with me and squeezed drops of baptismal water into it after my plunge :)
Monday, July 7, 2008
Receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost or Stumbling and Fumbling into Membership
Receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost or
Stumbling and Fumbling into Membership
I went to church filled with hope and optimism. It was to be my first service as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latte-day Saints. I took careful care that morning to pick out my favorite sarong to wear and I kept the lavender flowers in my hair from my baptism the night before. I felt beautiful and at peace.
I entered the meeting house and found that due to us being a little later than normal, in addition to extra visitors for the fourth of July weekend, it was quite full. We ended up taking a seat on a bench on the side opposite the door and toward the front, which is my least favorite place to sit because I have two small boys who sometimes need to get up for a bathroom break or drink of water and I hate traipsing across the whole room.
We sat down in the bench by ourselves and I got out the church toy bag. As usual Nykki picked out a few Star Wars characters and Ronan began his nurse-a-thon. Then the bishop stood up.
“This morning we have some ward business and a few announcements.” he said.
“We have Sister such-in-such who had a new calling, we have a new member to confirm but first an announcement from the first Presidency.”
My chest tightened. Oh no, I thought that letter was supposed to be read last week I thought. The week we had the chicken pox. Oh no, they’re going to read it today? The day I’m being confirmed? Please, please, please let it be another letter, I pleaded in my head.
“As many of you know the courts here in California recently ruled that marriage….” I don’t even remember what he said after that. All of the sudden there was a ringing in my ears and tears in my eyes, not today – of all the days, not today. I wrestled for a moment. Here I was minutes from being confirmed a member - should I protest already? The answer was swift and clear in my head. The Spirit was telling me to walk out. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.
A quick glance around and I saw no one else was walking out. I firmly picked up the baby and grabbed Nykki’s arm. “Where leaving.” I said with more coolness than I felt.
“Why?” He asked, I could feel eyes start to turn our way.
“Come on.” I said. I took his hand and lifted my head and with shoulders back I begun the long walk out of the meetinghouse. I had to pass in front of nearly everyone due to our poorly chosen seat. My head was buzzing, my eyes welled with tears and my heart pounded so loudly I thought it would burst from my chest but I was clear headed enough to realize that the Spirit was guiding me, holding me up.
With a grace and poise I don’t master even when I try, let alone when I’m terrified, I managed to swiftly, and eloquently walk out of the meetinghouse. I sat in the hall and was vaguely aware of the letter being read over the speakers but I couldn’t tell you what it said.
It was over quickly and I didn’t want to miss my own confirmation so I quickly walked back into the room. Again I did the smooth walk to our bench where our toys and my purse still lay. I felt questioning eyes on me. I could almost hear the thoughts – was that intentional or was she taking the kids to the bathroom or something?
Only seconds later the bishop called my name and I walked to the front to receive my confirmation. Several men I adore from my ward stood over me and placed their hands on my head, forming a magickal circle of power handed down from our Heavenly Parents to Joseph Smith and down to these men. I should have felt the power, I should have felt the magick but other then feeling my crown chakra growing hot, I only felt the thudding of my heart, which had yet to cease from my walkout.
I wanted to break down in tears. The Goddess of Wisdom, Sophia, the Holy Ghost, the Holy Spirit was being gifted to me yet the whole thing was ruined by the First Presidency’s overstep into state politics.
I took my seat again and despite everything I managed to beam at the sound of “Sister Serenemoon.” I had made it. Despite having out right told my Missionaries, the Relief Society President, her first counselor and several members my stance on homosexuality – despite even the fact that I had just walked out in protest of a Presidency letter – they had let me in and I was there! I was a member! I was officially a ward witch!
The RS president took her moment of testimony to be thankful of the Lords direction and definition of marriage. Should I walk out again I wondered, but decided against it. I have to say though, she’s a quiet young and liberal RS president so I was truly disappointed in her position but not shocked.
I went to Gospel Principles class not feeling bad exactly but feeling a little off, like the Spirit just wasn’t there in the church today. It felt hallow somehow. Gospel Principles was normal until out of nowhere and the teacher went off about gay Mormons. They are so “sad” and so “deceived” she said. The letter read today was from the Lord, the word of the Lord, and the Lord did not approve of homosexuality. I sat stunned. The lesson had nothing to do with the letter or homosexuality and I watched a woman I adore like a grandmother turn into a spewing lizard. I felt so sick.
Right after her pronouncement the bell rang. Feeling dizzy I walked out of the room and took a long drink of water. I wanted to go home. I wanted to run from church for the first time ever and it was breaking my heart. I was so sure I was stronger than this. I new I was exactly where I was suppose to be yet it didn’t make it any easier. I thought about leaving but I knew I couldn’t miss my first RS meeting as a full member.
I walked into a happy, chattering room full of sweeping piano music. I took a seat and tried to get comfortable again, I couldn’t. I was still so shaken. I’m going to have to grow a defense for this, I thought, some way of letting it pass over me like a river so I can stand in this ward as a peaceful and ever present witness of Christ’s love for all people.
The first half of the meeting was a talk on the California wildfires – tips and so forth on avoiding our smoky skies. I still felt different but was just calming down when the first counselor, the woman who had just the night before been my closest ally at my baptism, stood up and began a talk on – what else – that damn letter!
Now I was sure I really was going to be sick. I just couldn’t handle anymore. Enough is enough it was taking over like a plague! I pulled a sleeping Ronan off my breast and he immediately responded with indignant rage. Cries of a boobless babe rang out complete with back spasms, writhing, twisting and intense sobs. I pretended to quite him but did not return the breast, which is what would have quieted him in a second flat.
Instead I let him have one more blood-curdling scream and I grabbed my things and left the room. Usually my son is quiet as a church mouse in RS and the timing I’m sure is suspicious to many – especially since instead of waiting in the hall I dashed to primary. I was suddenly frightened that they might be discussing “the Letter” with the children so I figured I better check.
I opened the door and told them I was sorry for interrupting but Nykki had to leave because his brother and I weren’t feeling well. Nykki, to my great surprise, had no complaint. He got up and left, placing his sweat, little 5 year-old palm in mine.
“How is brother sick?” he asked.
“I’ll tell you in the car.” I replied as I pushed the door open.
“Why?” he pushed.
“In the car.” I said again as we stepped into the bright, July, midday sun and headed for the parking lot.
The ride home consisted on a very long explanation on what it means to be gay and why it’s absolutely fine to be so and how mommy doesn’t agree with church about it and it made me so sad I felt sick.
“Well, then we should go to another church.” he said matter of factly.
“Well, it’s not that simple, I really believe our church is the truest church on earth. I don’t want to leave, Mommy just has a hard time with this issue.”
“Well, we can go to another church mom, as long as it has kids.” he stated.
I chuckled. Upon entering my house I fell into my adoring husbands arms (who was cleaning the house by the way, triple bonus points for the Atheist!!). He sat patiently and listened to me cry, complain, lament, rage – and pass through other stages of grief regarding the church.
At the end I laughed at the thought that I had started my first day on this earth as a full member of the LDS church this way and I knew that this was a trial of fire so to speak for me and the church.
“You still wanna go back?” he asked.
“Yes.” I said honestly. “Just give me a week to calm down. Then I’ll be ready to ride that horse again.”
Stumbling and Fumbling into Membership
I went to church filled with hope and optimism. It was to be my first service as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latte-day Saints. I took careful care that morning to pick out my favorite sarong to wear and I kept the lavender flowers in my hair from my baptism the night before. I felt beautiful and at peace.
I entered the meeting house and found that due to us being a little later than normal, in addition to extra visitors for the fourth of July weekend, it was quite full. We ended up taking a seat on a bench on the side opposite the door and toward the front, which is my least favorite place to sit because I have two small boys who sometimes need to get up for a bathroom break or drink of water and I hate traipsing across the whole room.
We sat down in the bench by ourselves and I got out the church toy bag. As usual Nykki picked out a few Star Wars characters and Ronan began his nurse-a-thon. Then the bishop stood up.
“This morning we have some ward business and a few announcements.” he said.
“We have Sister such-in-such who had a new calling, we have a new member to confirm but first an announcement from the first Presidency.”
My chest tightened. Oh no, I thought that letter was supposed to be read last week I thought. The week we had the chicken pox. Oh no, they’re going to read it today? The day I’m being confirmed? Please, please, please let it be another letter, I pleaded in my head.
“As many of you know the courts here in California recently ruled that marriage….” I don’t even remember what he said after that. All of the sudden there was a ringing in my ears and tears in my eyes, not today – of all the days, not today. I wrestled for a moment. Here I was minutes from being confirmed a member - should I protest already? The answer was swift and clear in my head. The Spirit was telling me to walk out. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.
A quick glance around and I saw no one else was walking out. I firmly picked up the baby and grabbed Nykki’s arm. “Where leaving.” I said with more coolness than I felt.
“Why?” He asked, I could feel eyes start to turn our way.
“Come on.” I said. I took his hand and lifted my head and with shoulders back I begun the long walk out of the meetinghouse. I had to pass in front of nearly everyone due to our poorly chosen seat. My head was buzzing, my eyes welled with tears and my heart pounded so loudly I thought it would burst from my chest but I was clear headed enough to realize that the Spirit was guiding me, holding me up.
With a grace and poise I don’t master even when I try, let alone when I’m terrified, I managed to swiftly, and eloquently walk out of the meetinghouse. I sat in the hall and was vaguely aware of the letter being read over the speakers but I couldn’t tell you what it said.
It was over quickly and I didn’t want to miss my own confirmation so I quickly walked back into the room. Again I did the smooth walk to our bench where our toys and my purse still lay. I felt questioning eyes on me. I could almost hear the thoughts – was that intentional or was she taking the kids to the bathroom or something?
Only seconds later the bishop called my name and I walked to the front to receive my confirmation. Several men I adore from my ward stood over me and placed their hands on my head, forming a magickal circle of power handed down from our Heavenly Parents to Joseph Smith and down to these men. I should have felt the power, I should have felt the magick but other then feeling my crown chakra growing hot, I only felt the thudding of my heart, which had yet to cease from my walkout.
I wanted to break down in tears. The Goddess of Wisdom, Sophia, the Holy Ghost, the Holy Spirit was being gifted to me yet the whole thing was ruined by the First Presidency’s overstep into state politics.
I took my seat again and despite everything I managed to beam at the sound of “Sister Serenemoon.” I had made it. Despite having out right told my Missionaries, the Relief Society President, her first counselor and several members my stance on homosexuality – despite even the fact that I had just walked out in protest of a Presidency letter – they had let me in and I was there! I was a member! I was officially a ward witch!
The RS president took her moment of testimony to be thankful of the Lords direction and definition of marriage. Should I walk out again I wondered, but decided against it. I have to say though, she’s a quiet young and liberal RS president so I was truly disappointed in her position but not shocked.
I went to Gospel Principles class not feeling bad exactly but feeling a little off, like the Spirit just wasn’t there in the church today. It felt hallow somehow. Gospel Principles was normal until out of nowhere and the teacher went off about gay Mormons. They are so “sad” and so “deceived” she said. The letter read today was from the Lord, the word of the Lord, and the Lord did not approve of homosexuality. I sat stunned. The lesson had nothing to do with the letter or homosexuality and I watched a woman I adore like a grandmother turn into a spewing lizard. I felt so sick.
Right after her pronouncement the bell rang. Feeling dizzy I walked out of the room and took a long drink of water. I wanted to go home. I wanted to run from church for the first time ever and it was breaking my heart. I was so sure I was stronger than this. I new I was exactly where I was suppose to be yet it didn’t make it any easier. I thought about leaving but I knew I couldn’t miss my first RS meeting as a full member.
I walked into a happy, chattering room full of sweeping piano music. I took a seat and tried to get comfortable again, I couldn’t. I was still so shaken. I’m going to have to grow a defense for this, I thought, some way of letting it pass over me like a river so I can stand in this ward as a peaceful and ever present witness of Christ’s love for all people.
The first half of the meeting was a talk on the California wildfires – tips and so forth on avoiding our smoky skies. I still felt different but was just calming down when the first counselor, the woman who had just the night before been my closest ally at my baptism, stood up and began a talk on – what else – that damn letter!
Now I was sure I really was going to be sick. I just couldn’t handle anymore. Enough is enough it was taking over like a plague! I pulled a sleeping Ronan off my breast and he immediately responded with indignant rage. Cries of a boobless babe rang out complete with back spasms, writhing, twisting and intense sobs. I pretended to quite him but did not return the breast, which is what would have quieted him in a second flat.
Instead I let him have one more blood-curdling scream and I grabbed my things and left the room. Usually my son is quiet as a church mouse in RS and the timing I’m sure is suspicious to many – especially since instead of waiting in the hall I dashed to primary. I was suddenly frightened that they might be discussing “the Letter” with the children so I figured I better check.
I opened the door and told them I was sorry for interrupting but Nykki had to leave because his brother and I weren’t feeling well. Nykki, to my great surprise, had no complaint. He got up and left, placing his sweat, little 5 year-old palm in mine.
“How is brother sick?” he asked.
“I’ll tell you in the car.” I replied as I pushed the door open.
“Why?” he pushed.
“In the car.” I said again as we stepped into the bright, July, midday sun and headed for the parking lot.
The ride home consisted on a very long explanation on what it means to be gay and why it’s absolutely fine to be so and how mommy doesn’t agree with church about it and it made me so sad I felt sick.
“Well, then we should go to another church.” he said matter of factly.
“Well, it’s not that simple, I really believe our church is the truest church on earth. I don’t want to leave, Mommy just has a hard time with this issue.”
“Well, we can go to another church mom, as long as it has kids.” he stated.
I chuckled. Upon entering my house I fell into my adoring husbands arms (who was cleaning the house by the way, triple bonus points for the Atheist!!). He sat patiently and listened to me cry, complain, lament, rage – and pass through other stages of grief regarding the church.
At the end I laughed at the thought that I had started my first day on this earth as a full member of the LDS church this way and I knew that this was a trial of fire so to speak for me and the church.
“You still wanna go back?” he asked.
“Yes.” I said honestly. “Just give me a week to calm down. Then I’ll be ready to ride that horse again.”
Baptism
Baptism
I started the day in the normal manner; I cooked breakfast and cleaned up around the house. I was really determined not to try and do too much this day so that the end of it wouldn’t frazzle me.
Seth really wanted to watch a movie so we watched Reno 911: Miami. It got me thinking that movies might just be the perfect way to keep me relaxed and still during the day until it was time for me to take my ritual bath, so after Reno 911: Miami I asked if the family wanted to watch Mists of Avalon of Practical Magic. Seth picked Mist’s of Avalon first and I spent a glorious 3 hours vegging-out, completely relaxed. At noon I cut and collected some flowers and herbs from the garden because today is not only my baptism day but it is also the Pecti Wittan (Scottish Witchcraft) Summer Solstice – known as Feill-Sheathain.
Quite appropriately Feill-Sheathain, or Midsummer, is a time of rebirth, cleansing and the celebration of the marriage of the Father Sky and Mother Earth. In ancient and modern times people celebrating this, and other midsummer rituals, would cleanse and bless them selves by jumping over bonfires. They would assure a good harvest by setting straw cartwheels a flame and rolling them down nearby hills. After watching the modern version of this last night, i.e. fireworks, I felt this was the perfect day to be baptized into the next incarnation of my life’s path, which is a true marriage of my Mother Goddess spirit with the institution, which currently houses my chosen path in regards to the Father.
After watching Mist’s of Avalon I drew myself a ritual bath. I added sea salt and lavender to the water. I lit candles and placed them all around, and I brewed myself a nice cup of Chamomile tea. I smugged the room with sage and settled down in the warm water and read two of the poems Eduanna, the ancient Sumerian poet and priestess wrote in praise of Inanna – the moon and earth Goddess. Inanna is one of the earliest recorded expressions of the Heavenly Mother. Her sister Lilith, once shown as the Tree of Life in ancient text (who reappears in the Book of Mormon by the way), made it into the Judaic version of the Genesis story as the first wife of Adam.
I prayed, I meditated; I washed and ended up feeling very cleansed -mind, body and spirit. I stepped out of the steamy bath, toweled off, anointed my chakras with Lavender oil and then smudged myself with sage.
I braided my hair back and placed flowers I had picked that day (Calendula and Lavender) into the braids. I then took a tube of white lip gloss (left over from Halloween if you must know) and drew a crescent moon on my forehead like the priestesses of Avalon. I then noticed it was time to go so I quickly dressed the kids and we all headed out the door.
When I first arrived at church the parking lot contained one car and I felt my stomach lurch. Had everyone forgot? Had no one come? I wondered. We got out of the car and walked to the main door and found it locked. I did a quick tally in my head – it was July 5th, 2008 at 6 PM – was I forgetting something? I found the side door locked as well but before I could figure out what to do Elder R came and opened it up. He led me to the Relief Society room were about 10 people were already gathered.
Sister G was trying to play out “O My Father” on the piano which was one of my requested hymns but which was one not regularly played. The sound of it made my heart leap and reminded me that I was in the right place.
Elder R showed me to a closet and said he would help me pick a jump suit. He reached for a small. I chuckled, flattered, but suggested we see how my hips fit in a medium. To my surprise it fit very well.
The jumper may have fit well but the polyester was hot, scratchy and just plain uncomfortable. When I returned to sit with Seth and the kids Ronan immediately demanded to nurse. I had to unzip half the front of my jumper and pull out a huge, not at all covered, boob to nurse him. I wish they made nursing baptismal jumpers. There’s and idea Beehive clothing!
We started out by singing “O My Father” and I absolutely savored the word “Mother” in that song as it rolled off all our tongues. I felt lifted up and was reminded again that I was in exactly the right place I had been led to be.
By now the jumper was starting to get a little annoying. There I was in the front of the service while a member of the bishopric, Elder H, and Sister G stood up and gave talks, directed at me, while I felt half naked with a unzipped jumper and a very demanding baby kept insisting on switching boobies.
Bless their hearts they didn’t act at all uncomfortable but I was itchy and hot and more to the point I wanted to listen to the speakers so I finally told Ronan no more “Nah Nahs” and he pitched a gigantic fit. I handed him to Seth who walked him in the hallway for a bit.
Soon it was time for me to get in the water. I walked through the door and down into the pool of water, greeted on the other side by Elder R. I have to pause and tell you for a moment that Elder R is the sweetest guy. He’s a shy, cute, young, Latino guy from Florida. Lately he has spent so much time with me, and my kids, that he feels like a brother to me. I will miss him a lot when he goes home in two weeks.
I walked up to him, a bit nervous because like I said, he’s a cutie and the baptism seems so intimate yet it’s in front of all these people. He asked if I remembered how to hold him and I nodded and grabbed his arm and placed my wrist in his palm. He recited the words and I found I couldn’t really focus – it all seemed to be happening so fast. Nykki was up close to the glass looking at me, and Seth was walking around Ronan in the back of the room.
It seemed like as soon as I took tally of my family it was time to plunge. I held my nose and went back. It turns out I came very close to the wall when I went back so Elder R had to wiggle me away at the last moment and then press down harder to get me to go completely under. When I came up I automatically kinda shook my head like a dog and then stopped as soon as I realized it.
I wasn’t sure what to do after that so I thanked Elder R because I felt very grateful to him and then walked back up the steps. I dried off and got dressed. I squeezed a few drops of water from my hair into my amulet pouch.
Let me pause and tell you a moment about my amulet pouch. I hand sewed the whole thing by hand and it’s based on the basic design of Joseph Smith’s amulet parchment pouch that I found in Early Mormonism and the Magic World View by D. Michael Quinn. I filled it with the herbs collected that day, a stone symbolizing rebirth, and some chamomile. Now it has a few drops of my baptismal water to add to the magic.
I retuned to the room to find Seth (and everyone for that matter) being subjected to the really cheesy church film about Jesus – the one where Jesus looks like some guy they picked up off the BYU football field and they blended a red wig on him and had him grow a patchy beard. Oh, that movie, I have to bite my lip so hard. I love Jesus, and I am moved by the miracles but come on, a red wigged, super Anglo, Jesus with a goofy grin? It just doesn’t do it for me – I don’t know about everyone else.
It was just about over when I entered so there was just the last little bit to finish up, we sang “I Stand All Amazed” which nearly made me cry – the tune is so lovely on that one and the images of Christ it evokes are both metaphormic and elating.
After the service was concluded there were refreshments of fruit, Amish friendship bread, angel food cup cakes and water. It was very pleasant and Seth seemed at ease as we all munched and talked a bit.
The missionaries were a hoot and by the end, as everyone was leaving and they were putting the chairs away the guys were teasing each other about their astrological signs. “I didn’t know a Pisces could be so aggressive!” Quipped Elder H, “You must be cusping Leo!” he joked with an Elder. It was a pleasant surprise to find out that Elder R was also an Aries, born 3 days after me.
After all was said and done we went home and I treated myself to Steven Colbert’s Americone Dream by Ben and Jerry’s and Seth, the boys and I watched Practical Magic. It all seemed simple, plain, and yet magical upon reflection.
I started the day in the normal manner; I cooked breakfast and cleaned up around the house. I was really determined not to try and do too much this day so that the end of it wouldn’t frazzle me.
Seth really wanted to watch a movie so we watched Reno 911: Miami. It got me thinking that movies might just be the perfect way to keep me relaxed and still during the day until it was time for me to take my ritual bath, so after Reno 911: Miami I asked if the family wanted to watch Mists of Avalon of Practical Magic. Seth picked Mist’s of Avalon first and I spent a glorious 3 hours vegging-out, completely relaxed. At noon I cut and collected some flowers and herbs from the garden because today is not only my baptism day but it is also the Pecti Wittan (Scottish Witchcraft) Summer Solstice – known as Feill-Sheathain.
Quite appropriately Feill-Sheathain, or Midsummer, is a time of rebirth, cleansing and the celebration of the marriage of the Father Sky and Mother Earth. In ancient and modern times people celebrating this, and other midsummer rituals, would cleanse and bless them selves by jumping over bonfires. They would assure a good harvest by setting straw cartwheels a flame and rolling them down nearby hills. After watching the modern version of this last night, i.e. fireworks, I felt this was the perfect day to be baptized into the next incarnation of my life’s path, which is a true marriage of my Mother Goddess spirit with the institution, which currently houses my chosen path in regards to the Father.
After watching Mist’s of Avalon I drew myself a ritual bath. I added sea salt and lavender to the water. I lit candles and placed them all around, and I brewed myself a nice cup of Chamomile tea. I smugged the room with sage and settled down in the warm water and read two of the poems Eduanna, the ancient Sumerian poet and priestess wrote in praise of Inanna – the moon and earth Goddess. Inanna is one of the earliest recorded expressions of the Heavenly Mother. Her sister Lilith, once shown as the Tree of Life in ancient text (who reappears in the Book of Mormon by the way), made it into the Judaic version of the Genesis story as the first wife of Adam.
I prayed, I meditated; I washed and ended up feeling very cleansed -mind, body and spirit. I stepped out of the steamy bath, toweled off, anointed my chakras with Lavender oil and then smudged myself with sage.
I braided my hair back and placed flowers I had picked that day (Calendula and Lavender) into the braids. I then took a tube of white lip gloss (left over from Halloween if you must know) and drew a crescent moon on my forehead like the priestesses of Avalon. I then noticed it was time to go so I quickly dressed the kids and we all headed out the door.
When I first arrived at church the parking lot contained one car and I felt my stomach lurch. Had everyone forgot? Had no one come? I wondered. We got out of the car and walked to the main door and found it locked. I did a quick tally in my head – it was July 5th, 2008 at 6 PM – was I forgetting something? I found the side door locked as well but before I could figure out what to do Elder R came and opened it up. He led me to the Relief Society room were about 10 people were already gathered.
Sister G was trying to play out “O My Father” on the piano which was one of my requested hymns but which was one not regularly played. The sound of it made my heart leap and reminded me that I was in the right place.
Elder R showed me to a closet and said he would help me pick a jump suit. He reached for a small. I chuckled, flattered, but suggested we see how my hips fit in a medium. To my surprise it fit very well.
The jumper may have fit well but the polyester was hot, scratchy and just plain uncomfortable. When I returned to sit with Seth and the kids Ronan immediately demanded to nurse. I had to unzip half the front of my jumper and pull out a huge, not at all covered, boob to nurse him. I wish they made nursing baptismal jumpers. There’s and idea Beehive clothing!
We started out by singing “O My Father” and I absolutely savored the word “Mother” in that song as it rolled off all our tongues. I felt lifted up and was reminded again that I was in exactly the right place I had been led to be.
By now the jumper was starting to get a little annoying. There I was in the front of the service while a member of the bishopric, Elder H, and Sister G stood up and gave talks, directed at me, while I felt half naked with a unzipped jumper and a very demanding baby kept insisting on switching boobies.
Bless their hearts they didn’t act at all uncomfortable but I was itchy and hot and more to the point I wanted to listen to the speakers so I finally told Ronan no more “Nah Nahs” and he pitched a gigantic fit. I handed him to Seth who walked him in the hallway for a bit.
Soon it was time for me to get in the water. I walked through the door and down into the pool of water, greeted on the other side by Elder R. I have to pause and tell you for a moment that Elder R is the sweetest guy. He’s a shy, cute, young, Latino guy from Florida. Lately he has spent so much time with me, and my kids, that he feels like a brother to me. I will miss him a lot when he goes home in two weeks.
I walked up to him, a bit nervous because like I said, he’s a cutie and the baptism seems so intimate yet it’s in front of all these people. He asked if I remembered how to hold him and I nodded and grabbed his arm and placed my wrist in his palm. He recited the words and I found I couldn’t really focus – it all seemed to be happening so fast. Nykki was up close to the glass looking at me, and Seth was walking around Ronan in the back of the room.
It seemed like as soon as I took tally of my family it was time to plunge. I held my nose and went back. It turns out I came very close to the wall when I went back so Elder R had to wiggle me away at the last moment and then press down harder to get me to go completely under. When I came up I automatically kinda shook my head like a dog and then stopped as soon as I realized it.
I wasn’t sure what to do after that so I thanked Elder R because I felt very grateful to him and then walked back up the steps. I dried off and got dressed. I squeezed a few drops of water from my hair into my amulet pouch.
Let me pause and tell you a moment about my amulet pouch. I hand sewed the whole thing by hand and it’s based on the basic design of Joseph Smith’s amulet parchment pouch that I found in Early Mormonism and the Magic World View by D. Michael Quinn. I filled it with the herbs collected that day, a stone symbolizing rebirth, and some chamomile. Now it has a few drops of my baptismal water to add to the magic.
I retuned to the room to find Seth (and everyone for that matter) being subjected to the really cheesy church film about Jesus – the one where Jesus looks like some guy they picked up off the BYU football field and they blended a red wig on him and had him grow a patchy beard. Oh, that movie, I have to bite my lip so hard. I love Jesus, and I am moved by the miracles but come on, a red wigged, super Anglo, Jesus with a goofy grin? It just doesn’t do it for me – I don’t know about everyone else.
It was just about over when I entered so there was just the last little bit to finish up, we sang “I Stand All Amazed” which nearly made me cry – the tune is so lovely on that one and the images of Christ it evokes are both metaphormic and elating.
After the service was concluded there were refreshments of fruit, Amish friendship bread, angel food cup cakes and water. It was very pleasant and Seth seemed at ease as we all munched and talked a bit.
The missionaries were a hoot and by the end, as everyone was leaving and they were putting the chairs away the guys were teasing each other about their astrological signs. “I didn’t know a Pisces could be so aggressive!” Quipped Elder H, “You must be cusping Leo!” he joked with an Elder. It was a pleasant surprise to find out that Elder R was also an Aries, born 3 days after me.
After all was said and done we went home and I treated myself to Steven Colbert’s Americone Dream by Ben and Jerry’s and Seth, the boys and I watched Practical Magic. It all seemed simple, plain, and yet magical upon reflection.
Mission President Interview, Part Deux
Mission President Interview, Part Deux
He was a friendly looking man in his early 60’s accompanied by his wife.
“Is this the famous sister Serenemoon?” he asked with a chuckle. Elder H quickly shuffled out of the room and before I new it, it was just the Mission Prez and I sitting face to face. I felt immediately at ease with him. He had a marvelously kind and gentle spirit. It shown through right away, his aura beamed.
“Now, when I get called in to do these sorts of things,” he began, “I don’t know why. They don’t tell me so please don’t think anyone has said anything about you.” He smiled and pulled a notebook from his pocket.
“Usually what happens is that when you are asked a serious of questions there are 3 parts to the 4th question and if you answer yes to any of those they call me in. Is this what happened?”
“Yes.” I replied
“Well let me tell you a little about myself first…” he began by telling me how he grown up LDS in the Midwest, his wife was a convert and how he hadn’t gone on a mission himself was he was pleasantly surprised to be called to be the Mission President. He explained that when he was called his wife and himself met with Thomas S. Monson, before he was the Prophet, and what a kind and gentle soul he was. How he told great jokes and was down to earth yet somehow bore a presence of “other worldliness” at the same time.
I was truly moved by his description. It nearly brought me to tears. He then asked if he could go through the baptismal interview questions with me. He started at the beginning and was impressed by my answers.
“The missionaries have taught you so very well!” he exclaimed. I blushed and bit my lip to keep from smiling to big. I thought about sweet Elder R and how he’d get the credit for me being so well informed and it made me happy. He was such a dear boy and tried so hard to be a good missionary - he was truly humble and served well. He was a bit awkward and shy so I loved the idea of him getting the credit for my “knowledge”.
We then reached question number four. “Have you ever committed a serious crime and we mean a felony?”
“Nope.”
“Have you ever had an abortion?”
“No.”
“Have you ever had a homosexual relationship?”
“Yes.”
“How long ago?”
“Two years ago.” I replied thinking to myself – most recently anyway.
“So it’s been since you were married?” he knew I had two boys ages five and 1 ½.
“Yes.”
“So,” he began a little awkwardly, “ I don’t need to know the details, I don’t want to know the details, I just want to ask if the circumstances in your life that led up to the relationship have changed?” he seemed pained that he had to ask this. He seems to feel it wasn’t any of his business. “I mean,” he continued to clarify, “sometimes we sin by accident or by circumstance…” he then proceeded to tell me a story from his youth where he had stumbled into a situation more or less accidentally.
“Yes, my husband and I are monogamous now, it wont happen again.”
And that was it. He finished up the questions with me for good measure. He told me how proud he was of me and how lucky the church was to be gaining a member like me. He then asked if I worked and when I told him that I use to be yoga instructor he was so elated!
“I recently hurt my back!!” he exclaimed. “Can you help with that?” I agreed and he practically skipped with me to the next room where his wife had bought the missionaries lunch. When he explained that I was a yoga instructor everyone wanted a lesson and so there I was laughing and joking with Elders R and H, the Mission Prez and his wife, showing them yoga asanas. The conversation digressed into diet and lifestyle and for another hour we sat and talked while they asked questions and I gave answers on everything from ice cream consumption, hydrogenated milks, the best local health food stores, and proper posture while driving a car.
“Well, I better be getting home to my babies.” I finally said when I realized I had been there for three hours. I bid them all farewell and walked to the car with my head held high and my cheeks positively hurting from smiling so much!
So, yeah, it went well. And I guess I was there for healing after all!
He was a friendly looking man in his early 60’s accompanied by his wife.
“Is this the famous sister Serenemoon?” he asked with a chuckle. Elder H quickly shuffled out of the room and before I new it, it was just the Mission Prez and I sitting face to face. I felt immediately at ease with him. He had a marvelously kind and gentle spirit. It shown through right away, his aura beamed.
“Now, when I get called in to do these sorts of things,” he began, “I don’t know why. They don’t tell me so please don’t think anyone has said anything about you.” He smiled and pulled a notebook from his pocket.
“Usually what happens is that when you are asked a serious of questions there are 3 parts to the 4th question and if you answer yes to any of those they call me in. Is this what happened?”
“Yes.” I replied
“Well let me tell you a little about myself first…” he began by telling me how he grown up LDS in the Midwest, his wife was a convert and how he hadn’t gone on a mission himself was he was pleasantly surprised to be called to be the Mission President. He explained that when he was called his wife and himself met with Thomas S. Monson, before he was the Prophet, and what a kind and gentle soul he was. How he told great jokes and was down to earth yet somehow bore a presence of “other worldliness” at the same time.
I was truly moved by his description. It nearly brought me to tears. He then asked if he could go through the baptismal interview questions with me. He started at the beginning and was impressed by my answers.
“The missionaries have taught you so very well!” he exclaimed. I blushed and bit my lip to keep from smiling to big. I thought about sweet Elder R and how he’d get the credit for me being so well informed and it made me happy. He was such a dear boy and tried so hard to be a good missionary - he was truly humble and served well. He was a bit awkward and shy so I loved the idea of him getting the credit for my “knowledge”.
We then reached question number four. “Have you ever committed a serious crime and we mean a felony?”
“Nope.”
“Have you ever had an abortion?”
“No.”
“Have you ever had a homosexual relationship?”
“Yes.”
“How long ago?”
“Two years ago.” I replied thinking to myself – most recently anyway.
“So it’s been since you were married?” he knew I had two boys ages five and 1 ½.
“Yes.”
“So,” he began a little awkwardly, “ I don’t need to know the details, I don’t want to know the details, I just want to ask if the circumstances in your life that led up to the relationship have changed?” he seemed pained that he had to ask this. He seems to feel it wasn’t any of his business. “I mean,” he continued to clarify, “sometimes we sin by accident or by circumstance…” he then proceeded to tell me a story from his youth where he had stumbled into a situation more or less accidentally.
“Yes, my husband and I are monogamous now, it wont happen again.”
And that was it. He finished up the questions with me for good measure. He told me how proud he was of me and how lucky the church was to be gaining a member like me. He then asked if I worked and when I told him that I use to be yoga instructor he was so elated!
“I recently hurt my back!!” he exclaimed. “Can you help with that?” I agreed and he practically skipped with me to the next room where his wife had bought the missionaries lunch. When he explained that I was a yoga instructor everyone wanted a lesson and so there I was laughing and joking with Elders R and H, the Mission Prez and his wife, showing them yoga asanas. The conversation digressed into diet and lifestyle and for another hour we sat and talked while they asked questions and I gave answers on everything from ice cream consumption, hydrogenated milks, the best local health food stores, and proper posture while driving a car.
“Well, I better be getting home to my babies.” I finally said when I realized I had been there for three hours. I bid them all farewell and walked to the car with my head held high and my cheeks positively hurting from smiling so much!
So, yeah, it went well. And I guess I was there for healing after all!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Countdown to Baptism: Mission President Interview Part 1
I woke up stressed out, still thinking in the back of my head how ridiculous it was that they would single homosexual actions out. Going trough a list of worse offenses they don't even ask about in my head.
When it was time to go I lingered around the house, dreading taking that first step out the door. I was so afraid my levees would be breached - that this was it, the end of Ayla's great LDS experiment. He would ask if I thought homosexuality was a sin and I couldn't lie about it. I just couldn't. I was sure of this.
I decided to pull a fairy card on the whole thing and meditate on it before leaving. I drew the "Miracle Healing" card which is one I draw often. I wasn't expecting that one. At first I was a little confused and thought perhaps my deck had let me down - it's ususally right on.
But I looked at the card and let my focus drift and then I came to the understanding that this meeting wasn't only about me - it was about the Mission President - he needed healing and I was there to do or say something that would bring him peace.
I thought of Deepak Chopra and his suggestion to always bring everyone you meet a gift - whether it be a kind word, a compliment - something. So I decided I would go into my meeting in that manner, to bring to it what I needed to bring. I made up my mind not sit there like an empty shell, ready to be chastised or filled by someone else, but to be really lovingly proactive and figure out what Spirit was leading me to do this day.
As I made the 10 minute drive to church the radio blasted out a few of my favorite songs, I felt charged up with the energy of the New Moon and the sacred feminine was palpable all around me. With the windows down I drove over the country side with the feeling of flying- a trail of divine energy creasting all around me.
When I arrived at church the Mission President was running late. He was coming from nearly 2 hours away. I settled down in the room, which was the primary room by-the-way because they thought I would have my kids with me. I usually have both my kids but today was so intense I had left them with Seth.
Elder R and Elder H were there. I had heard about Elder H but not met him before. He was a large, foot player-esque, 22 year-old from Cedar City, UT! What providance! We sat and talked for an hour about all the things we loved about Cedar City and how we both miss it. We found we knew some of the same people and had really similar interests.
Elder H started talking about the evidences for the Book of Mormon and the Anthropology buff in me couldn't sit still, I straight out wiggled in my seat with excitement as we discussed with ever increasing pitch and joy all the world religions and how they tell the same stories and how it laid the ground work for Christ to come.
I was elated to find another Mormon interested in the same things I was, and we talked about paganism without him batting an eyelash, and what's more he had studied about it and had drawn very similar conculsions as me!
I hadn't realized that Elder R had stepped out about a half hour ago and when the Mission President and his wife walked in, guided by Elder R, Elder H and I were in the middle of a loud, passionate, positive and emotionally expressive talk about....what else, paganism! Elder H ended on the note that he loved comparative religion and I told him to major in it when he got home.
Then entered the Mission President.....
When it was time to go I lingered around the house, dreading taking that first step out the door. I was so afraid my levees would be breached - that this was it, the end of Ayla's great LDS experiment. He would ask if I thought homosexuality was a sin and I couldn't lie about it. I just couldn't. I was sure of this.
I decided to pull a fairy card on the whole thing and meditate on it before leaving. I drew the "Miracle Healing" card which is one I draw often. I wasn't expecting that one. At first I was a little confused and thought perhaps my deck had let me down - it's ususally right on.
But I looked at the card and let my focus drift and then I came to the understanding that this meeting wasn't only about me - it was about the Mission President - he needed healing and I was there to do or say something that would bring him peace.
I thought of Deepak Chopra and his suggestion to always bring everyone you meet a gift - whether it be a kind word, a compliment - something. So I decided I would go into my meeting in that manner, to bring to it what I needed to bring. I made up my mind not sit there like an empty shell, ready to be chastised or filled by someone else, but to be really lovingly proactive and figure out what Spirit was leading me to do this day.
As I made the 10 minute drive to church the radio blasted out a few of my favorite songs, I felt charged up with the energy of the New Moon and the sacred feminine was palpable all around me. With the windows down I drove over the country side with the feeling of flying- a trail of divine energy creasting all around me.
When I arrived at church the Mission President was running late. He was coming from nearly 2 hours away. I settled down in the room, which was the primary room by-the-way because they thought I would have my kids with me. I usually have both my kids but today was so intense I had left them with Seth.
Elder R and Elder H were there. I had heard about Elder H but not met him before. He was a large, foot player-esque, 22 year-old from Cedar City, UT! What providance! We sat and talked for an hour about all the things we loved about Cedar City and how we both miss it. We found we knew some of the same people and had really similar interests.
Elder H started talking about the evidences for the Book of Mormon and the Anthropology buff in me couldn't sit still, I straight out wiggled in my seat with excitement as we discussed with ever increasing pitch and joy all the world religions and how they tell the same stories and how it laid the ground work for Christ to come.
I was elated to find another Mormon interested in the same things I was, and we talked about paganism without him batting an eyelash, and what's more he had studied about it and had drawn very similar conculsions as me!
I hadn't realized that Elder R had stepped out about a half hour ago and when the Mission President and his wife walked in, guided by Elder R, Elder H and I were in the middle of a loud, passionate, positive and emotionally expressive talk about....what else, paganism! Elder H ended on the note that he loved comparative religion and I told him to major in it when he got home.
Then entered the Mission President.....
Monday, June 30, 2008
Countdown to Baptism: Protective Amulet Parchment
I drew this protective "Jehonah, Jehovah, Jehovah" amulet prachment like the one Joseph Smith and his family, as well as other early Mormon's, kept above the door in their homes (source, Early Mormonism and the Magic World View by D. Michael Quinn). I added below it Calendula flowers, picked at highnoon and strung together with a red thread which is a charm I found in American Folk Magick by Silver RavenWolf.
Chamomile tea tea in my favorite mug with local, raw, honey and milk.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Countdown to Baptism: Chamomile
As I count down my week until my baptism I've been preparing myself. As I see it I will baptised and confirmed by members of the church who can trace their priesthood lineage directly back to Joseph Smith and from Joseph Smith to the Divine. It's a pretty serious deal.
Todays "countdown" is on Chamomile.
Silver Ravenwolf wrote in her book American Folk Magick, "A cup (of chamomile tea) is drunk by the Pow Wow (magickal healing arts of North America) student before power is passed or energy centers are opened....the mind of the recipient conjures up a supposed mystical essence."
One of Silver's students reported seeing fairy lights after using chamomile in this manner. I will be drinking a cup of chamomile everyday from now until my baptism. I will also be putting some chamomile in the magickal pouch that I am creating for this event. My pouch will resemble the one Jospeh Smith owned (see Early Mormonism and the Magic World View by D. Michael Quinn, fig. 49)
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