Death, Blood, Sex, Corruption

There, now that I have your attention with that headline, time to disappoint you, because I am just seriously sick and tired and fed up. I'm sick and tired of the incompetence of President (sic) Obama and his incompetent Democratic Party cronies. I'm sick and tired of all the blood and gore and sex on television, in music, and in movies. I'm sick and tired of all the negativity constantly bombarding my home via the mass media.

For too long, I've even been a part of the problem in some ways. This little blog of mine has talked politics, society, religion, education, philosophy and other topics in the news or of general interest, and has often taken on it's own cynical or negative tones. Hell, it's right there in the first paragraph. Go back and re-read in case you missed it.

Well, it's over. I's done had me all's I can take, and I can't takes me no more. This whining and bitching and moaning and crying over negativity and the disturbing, disgusting, revolting, lying hate-mongers that push it constantly is over and done with as of the end of this article.

From now on, this blog is going to be all sunshine and light and happiness. That's right, and if you can't stand it, go turn on your TV and tune in to CNN, or surf your web browser out to Huffington's Post, or Google a speech by Al Gore or Obama, or buy a copy of the New York Times. Plenty of places for you to find bad news and get your fix.

But this blog of mine is changing it's tone and tenor, knowingly, willingly and intentionally. From now on, you can turn here when all the rest of the crap is just too much. When the market is down, the pols are lying to you, the pseudo-stars are self-destructing, wars are raging, crime is running rampant, the blood is spilling, and the talking heads are blah-blah-blahing about it all, and you need a refuge, this is where to turn.

After this entry, I am going to begin regularly posting stories of a generally positive nature. There will be human interest. There will be comedy. There will be food, fun and frivolity. There will be heroism and simple neighborliness. And most of all, there will be the two things without which there is no reason to live: family and faith.

There will still be the occasional political commentary when that is most appropriate, right around election times. But that commentary will be to the positive regarding individuals and ideas that I feel are important and uplifting, and will be presented in that light. No attacking, no mocking, no sabre-rattling here any longer. Just real ideas and real opinions and honest evaluation presented for the hoped-for betterment of our neighborhoods, our town, our nation.

The stories that I present here at the blog will not always be my own. Whenever I find something of interest out on the web and it fits the new theme of positivity, then I will share it as much in it's entirety as fits comfortably on this blog, with a link to any continuation at the original site, and with an appropriate acknowledgement of the original writer.

If there is anyone out there who decides to write something of their own that fits this positive, uplifting spirit, something involving family or faith or culture or humor or life, and who wishes to share it with others, feel free to submit the item to me here at the blog, and I will consider it for print. If anyone wishes to contribute regularly, let me know that too. My work and family time don't always enable me to come up with original postings as regularly as I would like.

Don't worry about murders, rapes, assaults, drug overdoses, celebrity misbehavior, political scandal, divorce, disaster, destruction, and death. They'll still be going on, and everyone from the local news to Entertainment Tonight will keep you informed if that is what you are looking for at any point.

But when you want to smile, to laugh, to learn, to be uplifted, come here to this blog and replenish your soul and your spirit. We need a place like that, a place that guarantees it on a daily basis. Hell, I need it, and so I am going to provide it to myself, for myself, and for anyone else who feels the same and who could use something good in their lives.

As I type this, the sun is shining. It's one of the most beautiful days around here in the past few weeks. Temperatures are moderate for early summer, humidity is low, a light breeze floats through the air. There is a sense of peace and serenity around me at this particular moment, and of refreshment and renewal. A lightness of being and a song in my heart. All that, and God is in His heaven. And that's just how we're going to keep it, at least around here.

Can I get an 'Amen'?

(08.19.08) Recommends:

The Hungry Cat.
1535 Vine St.

One of the biggest things that we miss about living in the Bay Area are lazy weekend afternoons hanging out in Tomales Bay eating oysters, drinking white wine, and eating cheese from Cow Girl Creamery.

We were not prepared for the dearth of oyster eating options in Los Angeles, but luckily one of the best places for oysters in LA is near us: The Hungry Cat.

We spent a recent, beautiful, lazy Hollywood weekend trying to recreate our Northern California oyster days.

The Hungry Cat is also known for its interesting drink list.






We started with an Echo Park Cocktail. The Great Dane with whom we were eating had a Mint Julep. [Note: training a dog to slurp alcohol is much easier than potty training a dog. Especially after the dog has been slupring alcohol all afternoon.]






After our stomachs were sufficiently greased up we moved on to the main attraction.






This picture pretty much speaks for itself.






More Hungry Cat Info:
Website.
Yelp.

(08.16.08) Recommends:

Obey the Night.




The view from last night's walk from Blue Palms Brewhouse (verdict: recommended) to our place in Beachwood Canyon.

(08.12.08) Recommends:

Strawberry Shortcake.

We have a friend who, for reasons that are not altogether clear, recently came into possession of bags and bags of strawberries -- we're not kidding here, she had probably twenty pounds of strawberries. We were summoned, both to try to make sense of the rather strange acquisition and to try to figure out what do with the things before they started to spoil.

The Strategy:

Take these:





and using this (recipe may be found here):





turn them into that:





The Process:

There are three main steps: (1) make the strawberry bread; (2) macerate strawberries; (3) make whipped cream.


Step One: Making strawberry bread.

First you must cut up a bunch of the strawberries. Please take note: of the black nail polish. We're told this is necessary to create a sufficient contrast between finger- and fruit-color. Otherwise, one might cut one's finger off. That, or our friend is an emo-goth-strawberry lover. Regardless. The point is that knives are involved. So be careful. (Especially if you're emo-goth; we hear those people are always trying to cut their wrists).



Next you need to fill up a blender with a quart of strawberries. Usually you are not good with things such as converting quarts into ounces. But luckily you were educated at a gigantic state university, at which you spent an inordinate amount of time drinking quarts of Miller High Life (champagne of beer). You recall that the bottles were 32oz. You recall that 32oz equals two pints. You learned other things during your time at university. You just can't recall much of it now.




Strawberries in a blender are like those mortgage-backed securities you thought we gonna be your ticket outta blogspot. Here today:




Gone tomorrow.




Next, crank up Def Leppard. And pour some sugar on me.



Tim Gunn once said that, included among the reasons he loves working with Heidi Klum is that "even her knuckles are gorgeous." (No really, he said this). So, if you're an aspiring knuckle model/german supermodel/reality television series judge, this next step in the process will appeal to you:




Whip the yellow stuff (it's funnier if you're Asian while doing this)




Then whip the red stuff (it's funnier if you're Communist while doing this; it's highlarious if you're, say, a North Korean while doing both steps.)




Then put your concoction in the oven. Wait a bit. And out comes this:





Step Two:Macerate the strawberries.

We have never been much for strawberries -- something about the taste of those little seeds freaks us out. We've also never been much of a cooker. Luckily, both of these problems may be overcome through copious amounts of sugar and liqueur.




Strangely, the scent of orange peel also makes strawberries quite tasty.




Next, carve up your strawberry bread.




And fill it with strawberries.




Then, put the lid back on.





Step Three: Whip the cream.

Obviously, this blog post has been filled with juvenile humor (one of the nine habits of highly successful people). But this next part is not us trying to be funny. The recipe actually charges you to "whip the cream until stiff peaks start to form." Kinda pervy. But everybody loves playing with hand blenders.



Smother the top with your delicious homemade whipped cream.




And add your delicious orange- and booze-infused strawberries.





In Conclusion:

A tasy summer treat that even a non-strawberry lover will enjoy.

(06.20.08) Recommends:

Things You Can Do Over Lunch on Broadway Between 9th & 6th Streets.

01. Attempt to stalk Johnny Depp.




02. Sell hippies bags filled with pencil shavings.




03. Get some divine inspiration before ...




04. Risking your entire paycheck at one place.




05. If you lost your pants at the arcade, you can purchase a new pair.




06. No need to feel selfish for the purchase, you can buy some for your family, too.




07. If you did really well at the arcade, you can buy your Significant Other some jewelry.




08. If you only did okay, you can purchase your Significant Other some perfume.




09. If you did less than okay, you can purchase your Significant Other a nice head dress. [note: Perez Hilton sez these will be all the rage for Summer 2K8].




10. Of course, all of this presupposes you even have a Significant Other, which may or may not even be likely.




11. The street is big, so you may get lost, but you shouldn't have a hard time figuring out where you are.




12. Remember to eat.




13. Forget how to spell.

(06.18.08) Recommends:

Summer Cookout!

June is the official start of summer and there's really no better way to kick off summer than gathering around pools, booze, and grilled meats. Because we are nerds, and also because you may need some edification, following is A Primer On Summertime Cookouts.

Summertime cookouts are first and foremost about celebrating indulgence. The indulgence of leizure time, the indulgence of youth, the indulgence of being at the top of the food chain. As such, it is proper to begin a cookout at a place that sells stuff in the most unreasonable and unsustainable quantities possibly imaginable: Costco!




Because really, why buy enough for just one salad, when, for just a few dollars more, it is possible to foritfy your house/compound with a column of lettuce six feet tall?




You might think you're only in the mood for one slice of salami. But the day is longer and the sun beats down hotter than you anticipate and you just never really know when you might need stacks and stacks of salami!



And when the ocean seems to be running out of its natural supply of various lifeforms, why not just create your own goddamn ocean ecosystem?




Perhaps the most impressive thing sold at Costco was this tent which, although this picture hardly does it justice, is actually bigger than our apartment by an order of magnitude.




Implements of Destruction, Pt. 1:




The next step is to try to repent for your mega-structure shopping ways, by hitting Trader Joe's.




We had to violate Picture No. 1 (note: click on the pic for a better view) to capture this picture. We apologize.



You see, Trader Joe's encourages sustainable, responsible and healthy shopping choices including but not limited to, offering the following six bottles of wine for a total of twelve dollars.




Implements of Destruction, Pt. 2:




You should never attempt to start a cookout without first visiting the crazy uncle of shopping facilities: Rite Aid!



Implements of Destruction, Pt. 3:




Implements of Destruction, Pt. 4:




Now that you have safely made it back to the kitchen, it is time to make your shopping bounty bend to your will. What do we do with scallops that just sit there, taunting us with their pale flesh and laziness?



We wrap them in bacon and stick them with skewers!




Men are pretty simple creatures. Below find the Secret to Taming Man: Gigantic Potato? Check. Gigantic Knife? Check. Things Wrapped in Gigantic Pieces of Bacon? Check. The Champagne of Beer? Chiggity Check. Game, set, match. We'll give the gentlemen readers a few seconds to still their hearts before moving to the next picture.



Back when we were young and full of vinegar the world only existed in sepia tones, and all we had to eat was boiled potatos.




But kids today will demand their technicolor and fancy cut potatos and use of liberal-elite Chinaman sticks. Be prepared for The Modern Age and your cookout will be a success.




If you are like us, you should probably only be allowed to make one part of the cookout. Our old standby we like to call Skillet Full of Butter.




By now, it's time to get down to brass tacks. Remember: cook tri-tip with the fat side up (we don't know why this is true, it's just what the package said).




Once Al Gore stops trying to do the whole fashionable "save the environment" thing, we're hopeful he'll move on to important things, such as getting busy inventing the Scratch 'n Sniff Internet. When that happens the following pictures will really knock your socks off.






After [some amount of time], the meat will be ready to be taken off the grill. At which point you should cut [either with or against] the grain.



A meal fit for a King.



Cookout Economics 101: Since it came into effect in 1994, NAFTA has made it increasingly difficult for American Beers to compete on an even playing field with Mexican Beers. At some point in your cookout, you will probably run out of American Beer. But, since you're already eating with liberal-elite Chinaman Sticks, you and your hippie friends will have no problem drinking beer that's causing both the entire state of Ohio to go bankrupt and a huge influx of illegal immagration. Note: this is the theory that at least one person at your cook out will probably put forth at some point during the day. Rather than engaging, it's probably best just to laugh at this person and tell them they don't know shit about shit. This most likely will end the conversation peacefully. At which point you can go back to listening to the Beach Boys and talking about the awesomeness of the television show Deadliest Catch.



One thing that is true about beer, American, Mexican, or otherwise, is if you don't handle it properly, it can make your vision a bit fuzzy. This is to be avoided at all costs.




Your cookout will be delicious and you will want to devour it in three bites, but put forth an effort to finish your plate gracefully, in a manner befitting artsy black and white photography.




It is always best to invite people to your cookouts who are more interesting, talented, and/or famous than you. Because let's face it, your stories are getting a little long in the tooth. Perhaps you know the next future Mr. and Mrs. Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida?


Or wait, is it the next future Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Safran Foer and Nicole Krauss? Either way, the point is you don't want a cookout where you're drinking by yourself (this is what your bathroom mirror is for, right?)



Once you get bored looking at each other, it's nice to have a pleasant view upon which to rest your gaze. The way it twinkles at dusk you can almost see why they call it the City of Angels.




However, we like to think of it as our own personal snow globe. Oh yes, Los Angeles, you've been warned. We will shake you up and remake you in our own image.




At some point, people might get tired and/or annoyed with all your photography. The shooter will become the shot (will become the shooter will become the shot will become the shooter will become the shot...)




After eating, you must remember to wait 30-40 minutes for your food to digest. Then you will get to make your final decision of the cookout. Hot tub?




Or pool?



There you have it. Following this simple primer nearly guarantees your next summertime cookout will be a raging success.