Bravo to Bristol

Get married? Why bother?

That's the prevailing attitude of an increasing number of couples who consider marriage, if at all, only after a child arrives. USA Today spotlights Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, and their toddler son Tripp, as symbols of the new trend: child first, marriage second. Recent data shows they have plenty of company: "A record four-in-10 births (41 percent) were to unmarried women in 2008, including most births to women in their early 20s."

Perhaps unintentionally, the best illustration of the growing confusion about marriage comes from another unmarried mom, Davie Melton, interviewed by USA Today. She's conflicted. On the one hand, as "a Christian, I believe you need to get married." On the other hand, marriage "is a piece of paper nowadays, and I don't think you necessarily need it to be a good family."

So, is marriage good for children and families, or not? Does it really matter whether Tripp's parents, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, get married?

In spite of the drama in Bristol Palin's young life, she knows that marriage matters. Bristol explained her reason for getting back together with Levi quite simply. "We were working on our relationship for Tripp." Her inclination to marry, while certainly intertwined with her feelings for Levi, is rooted in a basic truth: Children do best when they are raised by their married mother and father.

While I have no way of knowing whether Bristol and Levi's relationship will mature into a solid, committed marriage, I applaud their desire to give their son the benefit of being raised by married parents.

How to save your family from indifference towards marriage.

Like young Davie Melton, our culture delivers two contradictory messages about marriage. We know it's a good thing — the best way, in fact, to raise children. But when our own marriages struggle or our loved ones fail at marriage, it's easy to fall silent about the goodness that marriage brings. We pretend it really doesn't matter whether or not parents are married.

The research is clear, and we should say so. Married couples are healthier, happier, wealthier and live longer than divorced or single people. Even most unhappily married couples who stick it out (often because of the children) rediscover happiness within five years of their marital low point. Children raised by their married father and mother do better than children of divorced or never-married mothers on every measure of well-being. (See the Center for Marriage and Families or "The Case for Marriage" for research data.)

To help our children reject the lie that marriage is merely a piece of paper, irrelevant to raising a "good family," let's reaffirm our commitment to marriage itself, no matter how imperfectly we live it. Let's teach them that God really did know what he was doing when he designed families, starting with a lifelong marriage between one man and one woman.

Husbands and wives, show your children that your marriage matters: Make time for your spouse, and express gratitude for their commitment. Remind yourself of the good you have found in marriage; even difficult marriages may bring personal growth and the blessings of children. If you are in a rocky situation, get marriage counseling. I'm constantly amazed at how much time, work, effort and money people spend on perfecting and enjoying every endeavor under the sun — except their marriages. You can find great counselors at www.FamilyLife.com

Finally, if your own marriage has suffered the pain of divorce, don't give up. Stand firm behind the ideal of marriage, even as you strive to learn from your mistakes and transcend the unhappiness of the past.

And for Bristol, who "believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice," I offer my prayers and best wishes for a long, happy and committed marriage.

WRITTEN BY: Rebecca Hagelin with original article at The Washington Times available by clicking on the title of this posting

10 Tips for Married Couples

Almost everyone knows that the Catholic Church supports marriage, yet that the divorce rate in the United States hovers around 50 percent. It’s welcome news, then, that the Church has launched a campaign to help—not only Catholics, but all—married couples to strengthen their own marriage. Not long ago, the bishops launched the National Pastoral Initiative on Marriage. One thing afoot is the creation of an energetic Web site, ForYourMarriage.org, a treasure trove of helpful resources for all married couples. It includes marriage tips and short videos of on-the-street couples answering, “What have you done for your marriage today?”

An encouraging pastoral letter on marriage, which explains theological underpinnings and key issues for marriage, is also in the works. Given this emphasis on marriage, has anything changed in the way we marry and love? In this Update we’ll explore some of the key themes that make a marriage work and last. It’s really nothing new, but we always seem to forget!

Successful marriage is not so much a matter of finding the right person but being the right person. There are probably quite a few potential partners with whom an individual could be happy. The challenge is knowing when to bend and change yourself versus when to stand up for yourself. It takes a pretty flexible pair of people to make this dance work. Love is essential but not sufficient.

So what is there beyond love that fills in the gaps and makes marriage not only endurable but a joy? Typically, marriages go through three stages: the honeymoon, disillusionment and true love. The honeymoon and true love stages may sound similar on the surface, but the difference is time and testing. The length of each of these stages varies but the progression is pretty predictable.

There comes a point in most marriages when husbands or wives say to themselves, “How could I have been so blind? I didn’t notice that she was so wrapped up in getting her own way, or that he cared more about his status in the community than my feelings.” This disillusionment phase is the first big test of a marriage. If a couple can see each other, warts and all, and commit to “being the right person,” not trying to change the spouse, the couple moves into a more mature love.

Of course, being the right person doesn’t mean always being right. It means being flexible enough to love each other through disagreements, hard times and suffering. It often means changing myself in order to become more generous, more patient, more tolerant. It’s only having passed through these trying times that one truly understands the vows taken on the wedding day, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

The sacrament of marriage becomes real when our idealistic love for each other is tested, when forgiveness overcomes annoying habits and when it shares in the sacrificial love of Jesus on the cross.

This doesn’t mean that sorrows won’t come and that couples won’t face serious failings like infidelity or addictions. To paraphrase 1 Corinthians 13: True love is a lifelong journey in which we are often yanked by love to become more “patient and kind, less jealous, boastful or conceited, less rude and seeking our own advantage. We grow in tolerance, trust and willingness to endure whatever comes.” It takes a long time, many mistakes and much forgiveness.

Following are 10 tips for both newly married and not-so-newly married to support your marriage commitment. After all, marriage is a perilous promise—and not for the fainthearted.


1. Be prepared for big challenges

One of the most reliable predictors of a lifelong marriage is the commitment to a lifelong marriage. It is for this reason that long-lasting marriages bury the D word (divorce). This doesn’t mean that we hide our head in the sand and pretend that divorce would never happen to us. It means being proactive and doing the daily work of nurturing the marriage so that divorce does not become the final escape.

The wedding day is only the first day of many “I do’s.” It is the commitment to look for a way through a troublesome problem that makes solutions possible, despite all odds. When boredom or weariness challenge your love, it is commitment that pushes you to renew it by dating each other again, attending a marriage retreat or, if necessary, consulting a counselor.


2. Befriend your spouse daily

The Web site Facebook asks you to confirm people who want to be your friend. Spouses need to be best friends! They need to talk—a lot—and not just about the kids and finances. Try committing to giving your spouse one compliment a day—that’s a way toward ongoing encouragement and love. At first this may seem like a no-brainer until you try to come up with a new, true, concrete compliment each day.

If the idea of offering an intentional daily compliment sounds artificial, try it anyway. As long as it is true and not so general as, “Honey, you’re beautiful!” it seems to work—even if you both know you’re doing it. Another benefit of the daily compliment is that it keeps you on the watch—looking for the good, the talents, the favors that your spouse does for you. Complaints, of course, are unavoidable, but the eye trained to look for a positive trait will counterbalance the negative.


3. Disagree without being disagreeable

Communication, however, is about more than just warm, fuzzy compliments. It gets harder when there are decisions to be made—especially decisions that find you on different sides. Whether it’s whose family to visit for Christmas or a faraway job offer—or anything else—when one partner wins the argument he or she still lives with the loser.

One unfortunate strategy many couples fall into is listening with an answer running while one thinks up more arguments. That’s not honest listening. An unfortunate companion strategy is merely to keep repeating your previous arguments with more vigor and specificity, what I call “self-summarizing syndrome.” Neither of these solves anything.

To disagree without being disagreeable means sharing feelings and using “I statements.” Use the formula “I feel discouraged when you...” or “I would like it if you would....” Remember, “Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They merely are” (as our friends in Marriage Encounter say).

One method for making fair decisions is to ask each other, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel about getting your way on this decision?”

If one spouse is close to 10 (feels very strongly) and the other is closer to 1 (doesn’t much care), conceding would be the gracious way to go. If both of you are near the middle (4, 5, 6), consider compromising. If both of you feel strongly (7, 8, 9, 10), consider agreeing to disagree or create a new solution that is win/win. (An exception to this process is if the same spouse consistently claims to be at 9 or 10. This is just manipulation or selfishness and needs to be confronted.)


4. Strive for similar values

You can differ on all kinds of minor things, but if your moral compasses are at odds, you surely have significant stress and conflict in your marriage. Good communication can’t compensate for lack of common values. Couples don’t have to agree on everything, but they must have similar priorities in life.

For example, good communication skills are not enough to bridge the gap of differences about child-rearing. If faith in God and practicing one’s religion is important to one spouse and the other mocks those values, tension will be a constant companion. (This doesn’t mean the couple has to practice the same religion, but they both must respect the other’s choice and support it.) A couple can’t really compromise on whether honesty, fidelity, hard work and having a spiritual life are important.

What if these differences become apparent only after the marriage? If the differences are severe, it can be a real challenge to the couple’s commitment, since it’s hard to respect a person whose life assumptions are profoundly different from your own.

First pay attention to what you do share in common and what originally attracted you to each other. Sometimes one partner has new experiences not shared by the other, and it’s not so much a difference of values as an absence of common experience. If you can’t sort it out, consider marriage counseling to help you clarify which are essential core values and which are preferences that you can change. Sometimes a trained counselor can help you see things in new ways.


5. Be ready to accept differences

The differences between people are often endearing. You may love the way he takes charge of complicated situations while he may admire the way you deftly defuse tensions between colleagues. He may be good at reading maps while she’s good at asking directions, once lost.

What once was perceived as attractive and a strength, however, can turn into an irritation when overdone. The take-charge personality, perhaps, becomes a stubborn bully. The peacemaker is now seen as a wishy-washy people pleaser. The trick is to recognize that neither of you is right or wrong—just different.

It’s often difficult to let go of thinking that your way is normal and right, but is the extrovert morally superior to the introvert? Is spring better than the fall? Is yellow better than purple? We have our preferences, but that doesn’t mean our spouse’s personality is inferior! The complementarity of your personalities will be a couple strength—once you let go of your way being the right way.


6. Tightwad or spendthrift? Know your financial personality

Are you a tightwad, a spendthrift or somewhere in between? Unless you’re exceedingly wealthy, two spendthrifts will face issues of debt.

If you are at opposite extremes in your spending habits, the stage is set for quarrels. On the other hand, if you have good communication skills and common sense, you can work out compromises and hopefully balance each other out.

Even though two frugal people might seem like the healthiest combination, too much of anything can be problematic. It’s important to leave room for occasional splurges and spontaneity lest you crowd fun out of your ordered life.

Through it all, consider what your genuine needs are as a family. There’s a difference between being responsible and being a workaholic, after all. Many people work for more and more stuff that doesn’t really fill their soul with happiness. Strive for the balance between how much is enough and how much is too much. Seeking common ground in the middle is a valuable marriage skill.


7. Beyond sex to celebrating love

Our culture is saturated with sex, but what most married couples crave is intimacy. Sure, sex is important in marriage. It is the glue that holds us together in joy and soothes our ego when we feel discouraged. But the physical act of sex becomes even more powerful when it unites our emotions, minds and spirits. In fact, sex can be empty when loveless and painful when forced.

To move beyond sex to “making” love, as we commonly say, requires a 24/7 attitude. A husband cannot be disagreeable throughout the day and expect his wife to instantly feel amorous in the evening. A wife can’t be critical at supper and expect her husband to plan a romantic evening.

It doesn’t require a lot of expense or fancy clothes, but really making love means being loving throughout the day. Sharing vulnerable feelings and interesting discussions can bond you as deeply as an orgasm and heighten the desire to join your bodies physically also. A habit of attentiveness assures our beloved that our affection is more than momentary.


8. Keeping your relationship—among children

Having a child is one of the greatest joys of marriage. It is also, in one sense, one of the greatest burdens. Children pull virtues like patience, generosity and responsibility out of us—whether we seek them or not. When your love expands to include another person, it reflects the creative impulse of God, our creator.

As much as raising children requires extravagant energy from you as parents, remember that as Holy Cross Fr. Theodore Hesburgh said, “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Dads and moms: Don’t let the rightful caring you must do for your children trump your primary vocation—to love your spouse. Sometimes you just have to trust that the kids will be O.K. and take some time to renew your marriage.


9. Find balance

It’s challenging in marriage today to find the balance among work, family and personal time. Sure, we have labor-saving devices and technology, yet many spouses end up working more hours, spending less time with their children and racing to parties or sports for relaxation. We may have more money, but where’s the fun?

Balance is the answer. Earning an income is necessary, but don’t let your job be your god. Control it even if it means a reduction in pay. Jobs, after all, can be changed; spouses are forever.

Spouse and children need our presence more than our presents. Recreation—both alone and together—refreshes our spirits. Build some of each into your weekly routine, but let your spouse be your conscience as to whether you’re spending too much time on a hobby or sport. That conscience can also be used to make sure there’s a fair balance in household chores. Neither males nor females are inherently better suited to cleaning the toilet. Household jobs should be divided according to skill, interest and time—not gender.


10. Don’t avoid the deeper questions

We humans are drawn, by God, to understand the mystery of life. Why do bad things happen to good people? Is there really life after death? How do we make sense of this world around us?

One can go through life avoiding these questions, but life is meant for seeking their answers. Couples are called together to seek God together. In whatever style fits your marriage, pray together. Marriage is, after all, ultimately a way to follow Christ, the one who laid down his life for us. Couples are called, in marriage, to lay down their lives for each other.

WRITTEN by Susan Vogt at AmericanCatholic.org in May 2009

The 'Secret' to a Good Marriage

Thanks to Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean, there has been a lot of discussion around the country in the past week regarding the issue of the sacrament of Marriage. I also had the honor of attending a wedding yesterday, and got to enjoy all of the joy and happiness that surrounds those blissful occasions.

I'm going to keep the marriage topic going for one more day here. Only this time it's not going to be the issue of 'who' or 'what' should or should not be allowed to marry. Rather, I'm going to dip in to my own personal experience and education bag of tricks to offer some advice to married couples, and to those who are contemplating getting married.

I think that I can speak on this topic as well as most anyone on earth. I've been married twice in my lifetime, raised children, and gone through almost every type of struggle that most normal married persons go through, including any number that I myself created along the way. I've bought and remodeled two homes. I've bought three cars, a handful of barbecue grills, and a golden retriever.

I've gone from being a 'cafeteria' Catholic to a solid, church-going, sacrament receiving, money-happily-donated defender of the faith. My point is that, like many of you, I come from a decades-long background and experience base that gives me a strong perspective of what it takes to make a marriage work.

I didn't come upon my own particular ideas easily or quickly, nor without causing myself and my family in both marriages a number of difficult moments. But what I have learned is that marriage can be broken down to the dedication of ones self to a pair of very simple words: love and priority. Let's deal with the easy one first.

Some people would think that the idea of 'love' is the more difficult, but I say that is not true. To me, love is the beginning and the bedrock of any marriage relationship. But we also need to remember what love is and is not. Love is not that romantic feeling that you get when you first meet someone and feel that 'connection' or attraction.

Many people get those early months and even first couple of years of a relationship when the sexual attraction and energy are strong, when the bonds of intimacy towards one another are first being formed, confused with actual true love. True love is something that grows over time. It may actually come in those early months for some. For others it may grow over a period of years.

One thing that is certain is that you need to have a certain level of personal experience and maturity in order to understand that true love comes not only with an attraction to, but also with a respect and a deep caring for your partner. Once you obtain that level of understanding, then the knowledge of your love for another is revealed to you in your heart.

It is a fact of your life, the very fibre of your inner being that you cannot deny. When you love someone, you see the world through their eyes, you feel their pain and their joy, you would give your life for them. You never have to ask the question, there is none to be asked. It is simple truthful knowledge. This true love will never die. It cannot be burned out by the fires, or frozen solid by coldness, or stomped out by the giants that will inevitably cross our paths in life.

The Bible indicates that love is from God, and in fact states that "God is love." He loved man so much that, despite our turn from him, despite our rebellion, "God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." This is the type of love that married people need to have towards one another. The type that sacrifices and gives in perpetuity, without expecting anything in return, that is not conditioned on the response of the other person.

I put it to you that in fact, true love is impossible without a relationship with God. The feelings that you have for one another, whatever they may be, however long they may have existed, will not be enough to sustain a true, deep, passionate, committed love without God's care and involvement in the relationship. You might feel responsibility, affection, even enjoy physical intimacy, but that is not love.

The second term is a bit trickier, and hearkens much more to the tangible, physical, easy to grasp everyday world of all of our lives. That idea of 'priority' again takes experience. There is no substitute for actually growing up, not just physically, but more particularly growing mentally and emotionally.

Through personal trial and error, through watching the example of others, and through formal education we learn that actions have consequences. We learn that some of these consequences are good, and some of our actions yield greater good. We also learn that some are bad, and yield various levels of poor results for us.

But we also learn those many lessons in between 'good' and 'bad', learning that some actions yield better results than others. And so in most of our lives we learn to 'prioritize' our actions, doing those good things most of the time that will yield us the best results.

Married couples, and this is a special message that those contemplating marriage need to hear, must make one another and their family their greatest priority, and must constantly examine their lives to ensure that their personal individual priorities are not taking precedence over those of the family.

If you are not prepared to subordinate your own needs and desires to those of a spouse and children, then you should not even be thinking of getting married. If you know that you do in fact truly love your partner, and are committed to building and sustaining a family with them throughout your life no matter what circumstances arise, then you should by all means go ahead and marry them.

You should absolutely not get married because they look good, are good in bed, like the same sports teams or music as you like, are the same religion, or for any other reason whatsoever. And once married, you need to continually prioritize your family first. Not only the caring for of them physically, but the emotional nurturing of your relationships, the education of your children, these things must come first.

Most of us work hard for hours upon hours each week, and we deserve some 'down time' for ourselves. But we must always be very careful that this time never takes away from our family time. In fact, our first enjoyment should always be in the spending of time with our partners and our children.

We also need time to sleep, to rest our bodies. If we deny ourselves this necessary act, then we make ourselves vulnerable to emotional and physical pains and anxieties that will take away our ability to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families.

A good marriage based on true love will prioritize itself to include working to sustain our families with shelter, food, clothing, and education but which also at the same time includes time with them bonding and enjoying one another. Sleep and rest must be prioritized, because without these we cannot be healthy enough to function properly in our right mind and body, thus denying our family our best.

Most everything else is extra, a bonus that comes during those few hours each week where we are not working, or enjoying time with our family, or resting. Some weeks those bonus or extra hours may not come at all, but how can any reasonable man or woman say that they are missing out on anything that life has to offer of real lasting value simply because they didn't get to listen to some music file, or play some video game, or watch some television show, or go to some concert or movie?

Believe me, over the course of our lives, a normal life will yield many opportunities for entertainment and pleasure. We must prioritize our partner, our spouse, our family above all else. And above all of this we must place our own personal, individual relationship with God, and realize that a home that has Jesus Christ as its rock and foundation has a far greater chance of weathering the storms of life than any home trying to do so without Him.

Most of the problems that we have all encountered in our lives, if we are fully honest with ourselves, can trace themselves back to times when we decided that we were going to make our own desires our priorities rather than the will of God as demanded of us in His commandments, as further expanded upon by the teachings of Jesus Christ, and then as grown by the Holy Spirit in the teachings of the Church down through the ages.

The two bedrocks of any good marriage then are love and priority. When you know without thinking that you love someone else, when they can say the same about you, and when you can confidently know that you will always make them your first priority no matter what else happens, then you have the stuff of a good, lasting, loving marriage.

I can tell you this for certain in my own life: I love my wife. Debbie Veasey has all of my love, truly and for as long as we live and hopefully beyond that, and of that there is never any question in my mind or heart, ever, no matter what happens. She has all of my love, and she is my priority. The same extends to my children and grandchildren, and the rest of my family. But that marriage between Debbie and I has to be the rock on which all the rest settles.

In the end, there will be one final test of your marriage that will absolutely tell if it was based on this true love. It will be the old 'proof is in the pudding' saying, and you won't know perhaps until your last day on this earth. This final test is stated perfectly in the closing lyrics of a song titled 'When It's Love' by the rock group Van Halen, which ends "When it's love, it lasts forever." Amen.

Miss California Gives Straight Answer

What was very obvious early on in the Miss USA pageant held this past Sunday night was that Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was a beautiful young woman on the outside. She was the typical stereotype of what we all would expect from a 'California Girl': blond, long legs, gorgeous face. And when it came time for the bikini/swimsuit competition she displayed the great body that you would expect to come strolling down the beach in Malibu. But what did not become apparent until right near the end was just how beautiful Carrie Prejean is on the inside. It took an incredibly controversial question under those circumstances from an incredibly outrageous, over-rated, quasi-celebrity judge in the pageant named Perez Hilton who demonstrated his own internal ugliness to bring out Miss California's inner beauty. Hilton, an openly gay male and celebrity gossip blogger, had the task of asking a question of Ms. Prejean during the final portion of the contest. All of the other finalists had to give their opinions on the somewhat difficult questions asked by a particular judge when their own turns came, but none got a more outrageous judge with a more sensational question than Ms. Prejean. Hilton asked his question with wide-eyed enthusiasm, quite obviously expecting a different response: "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?" With the relative softballs that the other finalists were being tossed in comparison to this bomb shell of a question, Miss California looked momentarily lost as she searched her mind and her heart for an answer. She quite obviously knew that this was her make-or-break moment. Many people thought that she was the odds-on favorite to win, and the results of later voting showed that was indeed the case heading in to this question period. A politically correct answer, even some non-committal answer, very likely would have resulted in her being crowned as Miss USA. But fortunately for everyone in attendance and for everyone searching for good examples in these increasingly amoral days, Carrie Prejean is a Christian, and she simply could not sell out here true beliefs for a pageant crown. She stumbled through her answer as she tried hard to balance those beliefs with an answer that might still salvage the title. Some of her reply included "I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised." Well hallelujah! First, a young woman with integrity enough to answer a controversial question with honesty. She very well could have gone another way with her public answer, won the crown, kept her personal beliefs to herself for now, and perhaps revealed them down the road as a 'change of heart'. But that's not how Carrie Prejean rolls. This beautiful young girl just a few short years out of high school stood on that stage in front of thousands watching her live, and millions more on television, and spoke from her heart and soul. And secondly, big kudos go out to the parents and family that raised this young woman to also be beautiful on the inside, and to understand at such a young age that truth cannot be compromised for expediency. She later would comment that she now believed that God had placed her in that position intentionally, and I would have to agree with her. Immediately, the exasperated Hilton was taken aback, and he along with numerous gays in the audience and later on the internet and in other forums had negative, hurtful, and profane comments to make about this wonderful young lady. There is only one word that comes to mind: typical. The fact is that God instituted marriage as a sacrament to be between a man and a woman. That is in no way a hurtful or sexist or demeaning statement towards gays. It is simply the truth. Though there were a smattering of boos, the large majority in the audience cheered and applauded when Ms. Prejean gave her answer, one that she had to know once she was finished would derail her Miss USA hopes. As it turns out, it was still very close. She finished as a very close 1st Runner-Up in the judges voting. In the aftermath, the Miss California Organization denounced her answer and said that they did not agree with it. Shame on them for not standing up for their girl. California, one of the most liberal states in the American union, has already turned thumbs down on gay marriage when it was put to the public for a vote, which only shows that even many people with generally liberal political and social viewpoints understand basic, fundamental truths. In response, Hilton commented that she lost the pageant because of her answer, and then later video-blogged that she did not lose because of the answer, but because she was a "dumb bitch". This one should not even be considered in any way controversial on Prejean's part, but the controversy should be squarely on Perez, who showed with his attitude and his words that he is a total and complete horses ass. Perez Hilton is a perfect representation of all that is ugly in the world today, while Carrie Prejean represents all that is right and true. After his outrageous attacks on her simple honest answer, Prejean said simply that she would pray for Hilton. Thankfully, she stood up and showed all of us her beauty on Sunday night, both inside and out. Congratulations to Carrie Prejean for her high finish in the pageant, but more importantly for her, for taking the higher ground that night and ever since. NOTE: As always, the title of this entry takes you to more information on the topic, this time to a news story that shows the Miss USA question-answer, and the controversial internet response.

Think Globally, Act Familially

Yesterday I asked the question: "What are you prepared to do?" Today I will begin with another one: "What are you supposed to do?" Anyone who read yesterday's post and came away with the impression that there is no use in caring about the injustice in the world when there is nothing that an individual can do about it simply missed the point. There is plenty that you can do about it. You can get active politically in support of folks who are willing to invest American 'blood, sweat, and treasure' in the causes that you feel are important. This means that you can both vote for these candidates when they become available in elections in which you can participate, and you can write and phone your current elected officials no matter what their track record, letting them know how you feel and what you want them to specifically accomplish. Heck, if you have the opportunity at all, run for office and become the 'mover and shaker' yourself. We should always be willing to look both at our own neighborhood and town, but also outside at the region, nation, hemisphere, and world around us for injustice of all types. We should then be willing to get involved in helping to correct those injustices, both as individuals and as a nation. But while we should place that political pressure on candidates and nations, we need to absolutely ensure that there is one place where we are actually taking action every day: in our homes with our families. Outside of our relationship with God, there is nothing more important in this life than family. Acting familially means any number of things. First of all, it means actually being there and being involved, and that goes particularly for men. Anyone who got married and began to have children as a mature, thinking, responsible adult had reasons for doing so. You need to understand and embrace that commitment fully at all times, and ensure that nothing in this world comes before your family relationships and responsibilities. Not work, not school, not hobbies, and certainly not any interest in global injustices. By being a strong, loving, supportive husband to your wife and father to your children you are doing the one thing every single day that you can best do to make a real positive difference in the world. That isn't to take any of the same responsibilities away from women. It is just to frankly recognize the fact that the vast majority of familial problems can be traced to men, and that a change in our attitudes and actions as a whole would make a measurable difference at home. If enough men around the world took their familial responsibilities more seriously, the world would be a better place. Women need to do their part as well, and the traditional role of nurturing mother should be at the forefront of their lives. There is nothing more important in this world than properly raising children, and no one, including natural fathers, will ever be as important in this regard as a mom. Another consideration needs to be extended to those who say that they don't want children, or only want one child. I can think of no more selfish position for someone to take in life than a militant anti-parenting position, or even a restrictive one such as the one-child position. It is a well known fact that for any society to propagate and sustain itself, families need to produce approximately two and a half kids per family. I would highly recommend to any young American a dual goal of marriage, and planning to have at least three kids within the context of that marriage, be that by physical birth, adoption, what have you. And when you have those kids, you need to raise them to understand and appreciate traditional American values and history, and need to raise them with a love, understanding, and knowledge of God and His love for them. Now don't get me wrong, this is not me telling you what to do, no matter how it sounds. Because the fact of the matter is that I didn't follow all of this advice in my own life. Then again, it took me a long time to grow into my current level of education and experience, and to form my adult opinions. What I am pointing out, however, are what I believe to be the best things that you can actually do to make a real positive difference in our nation and our world. Pray on injustices and direct the powers-that-be toward their attention, but to really make a difference you will need to concentrate on your own marriage, children, commitment, presence, love, and faith. You can indeed make a difference by thinking globally, but acting familially.

California's Sane Marriage Proposal

"And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept, and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh thereof; And the rib, which the Lord had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." - Genesis 2:21-24 **** Let's face it, no matter what the radicals, the profane, and the borderline insane will try to tell you, there are two sexes. They are male and female, just as Adam and Eve in the Genesis creation story. The main differences are their physical and sexual characteristics. Man was created with a penis and sperm. Woman was created with a vagina and eggs. For anyone who thinks normally and rationally, the ramifications are obvious. Genesis explains in clear terms how God created man, and then created woman for a purpose. That clear purpose is that the two different sexes will unite together as one. This is the origin of the concepts of marriage, the very concept of family itself. Throughout the history of mankind it has always been understood that the natural order called on men and women to join, have children, nurture those children in family, and propagate their genes to help foster the growth of mankind. There have always been those among us who were deviant, and rather than become attracted to those of the opposite sex, they were instead attracted to those of the same sex. But this was always, in every culture in man's history, considered a deviance, a negative to be avoided. It was considered an extremely unnatural act, the joining of two people of the same sex in a sexual union. For the vast majority of the history of the United States of America, almost 200 of our 232 years as a nation, this 'homosexuality' was seen as a form of mental illness. In the past three decades, this deviance has 'come out of the closet' and attempted to shove its way into mainstream society. Those who practice homosexuality have used a liberal tilt in American media and the court system to gain perceived 'Rights' that were never enumerated into the Constitution. In some states, they have even fought to gain a right to marry. In every corner of the world, marriage has always been recognized as the institution whereby a man and woman formally come together as one family. The homosexuals, or 'gays', and other liberal elements have attempted to make marriage, now legal only between men and women as it is naturally and morally correct, extend to these gay couples. This past week, tens of millions of Americans voted in three states on this issue, and once again sanity won the day. Florida, Arizona, and most interestingly and importantly California joined what is now a list of 30 states across the nation by installing specific constitutional bans on same-sex marriage. This past week in California, 'Proposition 8' created that same ban in what is considered the most progressive state in the union. The majority in even this normally ultra-liberal state recognized and voted to constitutionalize this vital institution. Back in 2000, the people of California had already spoken, and had created a law to ban gay marriages. However, the most liberal and radical U.S. district court in the land ruled the law itself illegal, and opened the way for legalized gay marriages, hundreds of which took place in recent months. The people of California, outraged that a court over-ruled their will, went back to the drawing board and took the matter out of the courts hands. The new law is now a basic element in the state constitution, which the court cannot alter. The people of California have thus clearly spoken twice in the past decade on this issue, as has the American population in every instance in which it has come before them. You can argue the sanity of the minute percentage of the population who practice homosexuality. You can argue about the merits of accepting this deviance rather than shunning it. You can argue the validity of trying to find some 'cure' through the increased research possibilities with today's genetic advances. But one thing that you cannot argue is the natural order in the man-woman relationship, and its historical, cultural, and moral expression in the institution of marriage. Allow a misguided gay man to simply do what he wants and marry another man, just because he thinks that he should be allowed to, is ludicrous on its face. Tell me you have a 'right' to do this, and I will ask you why I cannot have the 'right' to marry a 14-year old girl, or my good dog 'Petey', or my refrigerator. Think that is ridiculous? That is just how ridiculous the large majority of Americans view the idea of gay marriage. In an election that saw progressives come to political power, Californians and others once again showed sanity this past week in supporting the tradition of marriage. This not about any 'hate' towards these people, as they would try to sell it. I speak for millions in saying that far from hating gays, we feel sorry for them, recognize that their 'problem' is biological and possibly genetic, and hope that one day they will overcome these deviant desires. What this is about is defending a Sacrament from becoming defiled by deviance. The Church teaches that Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman, one of its Sacraments, the most important and fundamental building blocks of the faith and mankind's morality. Thankfully Americans still agree that a man shall leave his parents and cling to his wife, and not his husband or his child or his pet.