The Office Christmas Party

There are many urban legends out there of the stereotypical office Christmas party. A wide variety of disasters, pratfalls, guffaws, and otherwise unexplainable romantic interludes fueled by drinking far too much spiked punch, nog, and other holiday adult beverages. I have witnessed some of these first-hand in both of the professions of my adult lifetime which includes 10 1/2 years in banking and now 18 1/2 years in police work. Whether its cops or bankers letting their hair down, or lawyers, doctors, office or factory workers, the annual company or departmental Christmas party can become the stuff of legend. My wife and her fellow employees of the Charles Jacquin Company have their annual bash tonight for which I will be playing the role of her designated driver. This will allow her to let her hair down a little and enjoy a few of those adult beverages without having to worry about drunk driving in the wet weather that has slickened the Philly roadways. I don't know how many others will be as fortunate, or as smart, in finding someone else to hand the car keys to after having a few too many cocktails. Your best bet is always to set that kind of thing up ahead of time. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and merriment folks. Enjoy yourselves plenty, but if you are going to have a little more to drink than you normally would or should, set yourself up with a designated driver. Now, when you are actually at that party, be careful. Alcohol not only makes for bad drivers, it makes for loose lips as well. Those lips can be loosened to the point where they let words slip from between them that you might not usually let out. For instance, telling your boss exactly how you feel about him or her, especially when those feelings are not complimentary. Even when you want to compliment someone, do it early on in the evening. There are few things more annoying than someone who wants to tell you how great you are while falling all over you in a drunken stupor. The other way those loose lips can get you in trouble is by allowing them to meet with someone else's similarly loose lips. Don't let the company 'Slick Willie' catch you under the mistletoe when you've thrown back a bunch of 'Captain & Coke' specials. Especially do not allow this to happen if either or both of you is married. It's not right to begin with, but you also have to remember, these days there are cameras everywhere, usually video. Just what you need on Christmas morning, waking up to find you and your boss, or you and Slick Willie, splashed all across YouTube in a lip-lock or worse. Having a reliable 'Wing Man' (or woman) can be helpful here. Someone who usually doesn't imbibe as much as you will, and who is willing to watch your back and step in should you find yourself easing into a bad situation. And if the party is actually at the office, don't be the one to pull down your pants or hike your skirt, jump up onto the copy machine, and make photo copies of your naked butt. The real bottom line is to simply watch out for yourself. The office Christmas party is a great chance for people who work hard together all year to relax and enjoy one another's company in a social setting. To eat some good food together, raise a few glasses in toast to one another, and salute a job well done this past year. Let someone else be the jackass with the lampshade on his head at the end of the night, or the gal who goes home with Slick Willie for the drunken, regretful one-nighter. Have a great time, and don't allow yourself to become a Christmas party legend.

It Must Have Been the Mistletoe

In Scandinavian antiquity it was the custom that if enemies should meet by chance underneath mistletoe, which would be hanging from a tree out in the forest, then they must lay down their weapons in truce until the following day. The ancient Celtic tribes saw it as a mystical sacred plant with medicinal and spiritual powers. But it was in Norse mythology that the kissing tradition began with the story of Baldur's death and resurrection. It was said that Baldur's mother, Frigga, made all the plants and animals promise that they would never harm Baldur. However, she somehow neglected to give mistletoe the message. The scheming god Loki found out, and tricked another god into killing Baldur with a spear whose tip was fashioned from mistletoe. This killing of Baldur is said to have brought winter into the world. However, Baldur was eventually revived by the gods, and mistletoe was pronounced sacred, with Frigga proclaiming that from now on the plant would signify love. From this story sprang the Norse usage of the plant as an aphrodisiac and a fertility aid. The tradition evolved over the centuries, and at some point it became custom in Colonial times for young men to kiss young women under the mistletoe, then pluck one of the berries from the plant. When all the berries were gone, the kissing privilege then ceased. This was the origin of the modern custom of kissing under the mistletoe. That current custom states that if any two people should find themselves underneath mistletoe at any time, that they must kiss in a show of Christmas cheer. Unlike those days of antiquity, you don't have to wait these days for an opportunity out in the wild, as mistletoe is now intentionally placed in doorways and entryways as a Christmas decoration, leading to many opportunities for holiday affections. Mistletoe has become a welcome addition to the Christmas joy traditions, both in its actual displays and its references in popular Christmas songs, bringing a romantic touch to the holidays. But what actually is this little plant that has become such a big part of the holiday season? For one thing, don't make the mistake of eating mistletoe, on a dare or otherwise. It is a poisonous plant to humans that causes acute stomach and intestinal problems and can lower blood pressure to dangerous levels. It is a partially parasitic plant in that it attaches to host trees, bushes, and shrubs. It gets spread around by birds who eat the mistletoe and then leave their droppings on the other plants. But it is also an evergreen whose leaves outlast those of its hosts during winter. It was long thought of as a negative influence on the ecological systems, but recent evidence has shown that it actually has great importance as both a direct food source for animals and as a lure to bring birds into an area. An old Christian tradition said that the mistletoe was once a tree, the wood of which was used in fashioning the Cross which Jesus Christ carried and on which he was hung. Following this notorious usage, the plant is said to have shriveled everywhere and became dwarfed into the tiny parasitic vine that it is now. Mistletoe is actually being studied as a possible treatment for tumors, and is already used in Europe for treating circulatory and respiratory problems, and even cancer as a prescription medication. Eat the mistletoe and you will probably get a stomach ache and diarrhea. But it may one day prove to be a pharmaceutical miracle to humans. Today, simply hang it and enjoy its beauty, and you may just get yourself a kiss as well.